OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Does it really matter if they admit it

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** February 4, 2019 12:29 pm

Estella Oculus: What you describe is what I am having the most trouble with. I work at the same place as my ex, and because he is hiding in a closet, and I am under a gag order at work that prevents me from telling the truth about what happened to me, it feels like I'm living a gaslit existence. My reality, the one that I lived, has no validity, is unacknowledged, and is suppressed, while everyone else interacts with what I know to be my ex's false persona.

Nuked, I think one reason we want proof and an acknowledgement is that getting it makes it easier to detach, and more difficult to live in a state of continuing hope that maybe our marriage can work out. For me, anyway, that need was connected to hope, and thus to my own denial.

**Posted by Estella Oculus** February 4, 2019 3:28 pm

Daryl, I think you are right. Really insane to deal with. His dad was that way, and no amount of his abuse at his dad's hands seemed to have got him to clue into his own tendencies to do that.

OOHC--UGH! I am SO SORRY to be reminded that you are in the same work space with your GIDX, although if I am remembering correctly, I think you are not the only one currently active on the boards who is presently stuck with that situation. (Maybe it warrants its own healing thread? Strategies for MOECs -- mixed orientation exes who are colleagues?) I am sending you a virtual hug, OOHC--one of the things that has kept me sane is that my work is so separate from all this other stuff, and a close colleague knows and believed me immediately when I told her. We don't talk about it generally, but just knowing someone is aware of the level of %$^ going on helps. Remeber: We believe you, and we see you, and we are here sending our support to you!!

Abby, I absolutely love your phrase--going to make it my mantra in the coming days.

Last edited by Estella Oculus (February 4, 2019 3:35 pm)

**Posted by Lynne** February 4, 2019 5:53 pm

Deleted.

Last edited by Lynne (October 3, 2020 5:57 pm)

**Posted by Mrs Beardsley** February 5, 2019 3:51 pm

I can relate so much to so many things you all are saying. The gaslighting, Rudeness, Ridicule, Walking on eggs, Realizing I am not cherished Realizing I wouldn't even know how to be intimate with a man anymore Waiting and encouraging and researching people and ideas to HELP him face and accept in himself his sexual orientation to no avail (yet). Hating myself for not having the gumption to leave him but stupidly continuing my decades long role as "nice girl" and helper/nurse/cheerleader etc and of course in recent years, beard. Well, the beard role has probably been longer than just in recent years but was played unknowingly.

Last edited by Mrs Beardsley (February 5, 2019 3:54 pm)