OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Anybody else struggling with ex-inlaws and their "love and support"?

**Posted by reeling** January 15, 2019 11:37 am

I am really resentful of my GH's sisters, and I don't completely understand it. They tried to send me messages saying, "don't leave us" and so worried about me. It makes me furious. They may mean it, but I just feel like they won him back. They always wanted to be inserted in everything about his life and he certainly tended to consider their opinions more important than mine. I feel like they're happy this is happening. Happy he "found his truth," and I'm just another ex in a family that has nine exes between them already. This may be unfair, but it's how I'm reacting. Anybody else feel this way? How do I get over this resentment? They're going to be around. How do I not just be a total bitch but still keep them from trying to smother me with what I feel like is fake concern?

**Posted by Duped** January 15, 2019 1:38 pm

They sound like a cult! I’d stay as far away as possible. If you don’t have kids, ditch them all and run, move on.

Last edited by Duped (January 15, 2019 1:39 pm)

**Posted by phoenix** January 15, 2019 1:52 pm

What response would you prefer from them?

As an outside observer it seems like they are caring and concerned about you. That seems like it would be nice to hear.
Are you hoping they will disown him? Are you projecting your anger at him? I don't blame you for wanting that. I felt that way for a long time as well.

My ex has a small family. Her father never talks about anything dramatic or stressful, so I knew i'd never hear anything from him about the topic. She has only 1 sister who proceeded to block me on facebook right away. So, when I was hoping for care and concern I was shut out completely. That hurt.

In the two years since our divorce, I have gotten back in touch with them and had a couple nice visits. We don't talk about anything related to the past of course, but it's nice to be back in touch.

You are right to feel hurt.. I understand completely. You get to determine what level of concern from them feels real vs. what feels fake. Let the relationship be on your terms.

**Posted by reeling** January 16, 2019 1:45 pm

Yeah, I can't really figure out why I feel this way. I just already feel like such a fool, I don't want to be even more pathetic by acting like I believe I'm still part of that family. My GH says I'm being mean to them and they sincerely love me. Whatever love is.

**Posted by lily** **Online!** January 16, 2019 6:25 pm

Do you think your feelings stem from the sense that they all knew but didn't tell you? It might be feeling like they gang up on you rather than make you feel included.

if they are going to be around, see if you can just get on the front foot with them and weather it out - expressing fake concern? do it right back - and how are you managing with your ex? that sort of thing. don't lose your rag and don't express your feelings about them to your GH - don't give them all more ammunition.

Your feelings about them are likely to be a much more accurate reading of your situation than what they or your GH say.

Last edited by lily (January 16, 2019 6:25 pm)

**Posted by walkbymyself** January 17, 2019 2:07 pm

reeling wrote:
I'm just another ex in a family that has nine exes between them already.

I have no answers or advice, but the way you phrased that gave me my first good laugh in a really long time.