OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Five Reasons You Won't Get the Answer You Seek

**Posted by Leah** January 12, 2019 4:59 am

Hi all,

Just continuing my journey and as I'm a writer, I've posted publicly on this topic here. I've struggled for so long to come to a place of peace with my bi/gay question about my GIDXH. So here is a piece I've written to help you with a list from a few of the oldies here combined with my experience.

https://medium.com/@plwsheffield/hiding-from-your-straight-spouse-b787f13f6ff

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** January 12, 2019 8:26 am

Leah,
Another terrific piece. Thank you for writing it.

**Posted by Estella Oculus** January 12, 2019 10:27 am

Leah, that piece is fantastic! It captures the dynamic perfectly, and I see that my story mirrors yours (and so many others, sadly) in many ways: the affairs with women, too, on top of the countless hook ups with men, the frequent joblessness and insisting on career changes coupled with the lack of interest ("I'm too depressed") in actually looking for a job or making the change. They create constant chaos and change in their lives because they fear that if they don't move on frequently, people will figure them out. Thank you so much for your efforts to make these stories public!

**Posted by Daryl** January 12, 2019 10:34 am

Great article. I hope it helps others to gain some clarity.

**Posted by Leah** January 12, 2019 12:38 pm

Thanks guys! I appreciate the support....I'm now debating sending this to my sons....and my ex's family... Do you think that would be too much? I think on the one hand my sons are all adults, but then it isn't good to disparage their father, but this is the situation, so is the truth too much....???

**Posted by lily** January 12, 2019 3:19 pm

Hi Leah,

I read your first article okay but now there is a wall up, they want me to sign up before reading - I don't like signing up on multiple sites, I think it increases your chances of being scammed. But I am interested in what conclusions you have come to in the bi/gay scenario, could you copy it to here or give me a short version of the points you make?

thanks, Lily

**Posted by lily** January 12, 2019 3:49 pm

okay don't worry about that. I found the link on another thread and that one worked, so I've read it.

good piece. I like the description of the gas lighting it is very helpful for those stuck in it's coils and the conclusion you reached that asking what is his sexuality was is a pointless question to be trying to answer. God, the length of time he sucked out of me dancing round that question is horrifying to look back on.

Fact is though, we are going to ask that question, and we are going to ask it of the spouse we faithfully trust to be honest with us - we are caught in the age old trap of loving a liar.

I'd just like to add that this notion that if your spouse is bisexual that's okay then just does not ring true with me. Even if they are monogamous it just means you'll both be miserable. The suffering gets worse not better with time. It is like walking in a pair of ill-fitting shoes.

Marriage shouldn't be that hard.

**Posted by Lorii1969** January 13, 2019 6:45 am

Leah

What a great article! So spot on. Thank you!

Lori

**Posted by Rob** January 15, 2019 7:56 am

Leah,

Read this one late but wow.

"...
He was calm and reasonable as he taunted me from his superior position of knowing the whole picture. It was verbal and emotional abuse..."

This sums up my GX.
She felt proud that she had something I could not fix or repair..this pleased her.

Did i mention how happy i am now to be away from such a horrible person ?

**Posted by ThisSeason** January 17, 2019 12:52 pm

I'm not sure if today is just a "good day" but I am feeling happier and stronger than I have been lately. I have been getting out of the house more and spending more time with friends. It gives me hope that once my wife moves out, I will be able to be happier, heal more quickly, and begin putting the pain and constant worry behind me.