OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / I'm back

**Posted by Roo** December 7, 2018 1:48 pm

Hello everyone! It's been a long time since I've posted. I've logged on to update many times, but I just couldn't for some reason and I've been putting off updating my situation. Mostly due to the fact that our business got busy and it's been an "outta sight, outta mind" kind of thing. I seem to keep making excuses not to leave.
I'm embarrassed to say that things are no different. He continues to buy dildos and various sex toys. I think he even goes to gay bath houses every chance he gets. I know I've put this off for too long. I know what steps I should be taking. I just don't know why! Is it bad that I wish whenever he goes to one of these 'clubs' it gets raided? That is seriously a fantasy of mine. Like it would be the straw that breaks the camels back for me to take action.
I hope everyone is doing well, considering our circumstances. I am going to try and not be such a stranger. You are my only support (my family still does not know anything).
Roo

**Posted by jkc1214** December 7, 2018 2:21 pm

I am new to this group Roo but I'm sorry you're struggling to break free. It is very hard when you have nobody to talk to about things. After the holidays I plan to talk to my sister about it but until then I have only this group too. I just keeping telling myself that I only get one life to live...is this how I wish to live it? And the answer, of course, is hell no. And so I'm taking steps to end it. I wish you strength, sending hugs your way.

Last edited by jkc1214 (December 7, 2018 2:21 pm)

**Posted by gonzo2000** December 7, 2018 4:18 pm

Hi Roo & jkc1214, it was over 18 years ago that my GID told me he wanted to "explore his homosexual feelings". I don't know if there is a specific "time-line" for getting through this situation. If there is, I think I get the prize for the longest, slowest in being proactive.
Back in July, my 2 adult children had told me that their father had bought a condominium in Nice, France and was living with a man.
Anyway, one day, 2 weeks ago, as I was struggling to tend to the very large pie-shaped back-yard, I suddenly thought, "Why am I still doing this alone? He is NOT coming back. I am getting too old for this (I am now 61.) I am not enjoying this yardwork/gardening anymore. I do not like living like this. I have had enough if this 3-bedroom house!!"
I called an estate agent and have booked an app't to get help cleaning out this house. I have told my adult children & I suspect neither believes me. I have often told them that they can clear the house when I am gone. Anyway, neither wants to live with me, preferring to live in the big city (Toronto) with its convenient transit, restaurants, night-life,...

**Posted by Duped** December 7, 2018 5:55 pm

Hi Roo, sorry you’re still a bit in status quo, glad you came back for support though. Use us as you need to, we are here for you.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 7, 2018 8:11 pm

Good to see you back Roo

My own 'holding pattern' continues

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (December 7, 2018 8:11 pm)

**Posted by Rob** December 8, 2018 2:05 am

Roo, hello again.
Ellexoh_nz, holding is ok.

I offer the perspective that your both exactly where you need to be.
We do what we need to do to survive and we gather strength and knowledge at whatever pace we can.

**Posted by Roo** December 10, 2018 12:21 pm

Thank you Rob!
I just wish I had a bit more courage to just even start the process. I mean, I did contact a couple lawyers, but honestly, I thought they were kind of rude so it gave me cold feet to continue on. So here I sit, feeling like I'm wasting my life. I don't want to have to start over again at nearly 59. Not that I would start over. I do want to do something for me for a change.

**Posted by phoenix** December 10, 2018 12:40 pm

Welcome back Roo. I'm happy you came back to share. I hope you find value in our community and support from our compassion.

When you are ready, you will move forward. I hope you find that courage soon.

**Posted by gonzo2000** December 10, 2018 12:50 pm

Roo, keep trying to find a compassionate lawyer. I was very fortunate, when a new friend who had gone through a difficult separation recommended one. She was pricey, but well worth the money (I had to cash in RRSPs). She was knowledgeable and professional and a "shark" when I needed her to negotiate a Settlement Agreement with AJ. In fact, she was so strong, I felt sorry for him; but soon realized she had sensed his ruthlessness in dealing with me.

**Posted by vicky** December 10, 2018 2:10 pm

Hi Roo, why don't you start a new post asking for a recommendation for a lawyer for whatever state or province you live in. I think a lot of people here are divorced there is probably a recommendation in this group somewhere.
Vicky