OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Not all Bi men are on the way to "Gaytown".

**Posted by happyland** November 21, 2018 12:02 pm

My purpose in writing this is to assure some people that truly bisexual men do exist.

My wife and I have been married for 11 years, and dated for 15 years. Second marriage for both of us, we wanted to get the kids grown and away before marrying. That 15 years allowed us to really grow up and get to know each other. A few years before marrying, we started dabbling in the swinging world. Swinging is a hobby that requires absolute trust and communication. We learned a lot together, and grew and evolved. A couple years into the swinging, we had evolved to just looking for single men to join us, verses couples. The reasons for this were she enjoyed the male attention, I was thrilled to watch her with another guy, and I was getting turned on by the men as well. It took a while for me to admit to myself that I wanted to experiment with another guy. It took me another year to admit it to her. We got married, and talked about it for another year, before I rewrote our club profile stating exactly what I wanted. We were surprised at how many people came out of the woodwork and expressed interest in us. Anywhere from 5% to 10% of swinging men were looking for bisexual action. These are the invisible bisexual men, many married, that you never see. However, during this phase, I was still very much into my wife sexually. Wanting to experiment with a guy took up only 10% of my sexual thoughts, but at times the desire is extremely strong. Now before you start thinking we were just a couple of sex fiends, I'm going to point out that the vast majority of the time we went to the swinging clubs, we mostly hung out and danced by ourselves. We were very picky and careful about who we got involved with, The sexual environment was a fun and exciting addition to our lives.

Fast forward to today....my porn habits are still the same, 10% gay 90% hetero. I'm still crazy in love with my wife. Since her hysterectomy and sudden menopause, her sex drive is way down, but we still get it on 2 times a week. I have had a one on one with another guy, which she blessed. Telling her all about it turned her on, which gave us a short uptick in our sex. We are emotionally and financially secure, life couldn't be any better.

The difference, as I see it....brutal honesty. My wife learned long ago, if she didn't want to know the answer to something, don't ask the question. Some of you will think the swinging was cheating, but is not. Neither of us did a thing the other didn't know about. Plus, it helped us open our minds to different kinds of relationships.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** November 21, 2018 12:36 pm

happyland wrote:
.

Respectfully Happyland.....you're only one half of your r'ship. Of course you're happy. You're having cake and eating it too.
99.9% of members here come here because their partner/husband/boy or girlfriend has confused/gaslighted/lied to them/hurt them and disrespected them. There aren't many who join to say how happy and fulfilled they are, so I would say your statement about your r'ship actually doesn't belong here. You're NOT a straightspouse

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (November 21, 2018 3:29 pm)

**Posted by Sunflower** November 21, 2018 3:22 pm

Happy land,
We,who are straight spouses aren’t from “Happy Land”.
What was your point in posting this?
Why are you here?
We have been lied to, cheated on and betrayed to for years. I don’t need to hear how wonderful you are.

**Posted by lily** November 21, 2018 4:44 pm

Hi, I appreciate your posting here - it is good to hear from all perspectives.

In reply, my first response is you really don't know what it's like to be straight do you. Your idea of happy land is no happy land for straights.

and a point of curiosity - do you think your wife is gay too? ever asked her?

From what i have observed the impression I am getting is that we are past tipping point - if we are not there already, we are not far from there are more gays than straights being born these days.

How could this be? don't gays want to be with their own sex? oh right, of course, they marry people of the opposite sex and have families.

Yes there's certainly a wide range of variability in how they conduct themselves in the marriage and also in how well they can tolerate it - some want to stay married their whole life and some can't last long at all before they need to break it up.

But one thing in common I have noticed and it is terrifying to me - complete self entitlement - if you suggest to a gay woman she shouldn't marry a straight man she will take offence - it is her god-given right. same with the gay men, not a molecule in their brain to say shouldn't marry a straight woman. So occasionally I have pushed it - don't you feel guilty for the emotional distress it causes them? and yes I have seen shifting eyes but so quickly the response of contempt for their spouse was applied.

**Posted by Duped** November 21, 2018 4:51 pm

I would rather stay single for ever and ever and ever than be in a relationship like this.

Keep your sexual spectrum and your swinging and your convenient percentaging out of your gay tendencies. I for one am totally and utterly disinterested and unimpressed by this bizarre “reassurance”.

Basically all you’ve confirmed is that men like you aren’t satisfied in a monogamous relationship and unless this has spectacularly bypassed you, we want monogamy and we don’t want our spouses lusting after blokes.

If my husband came home and told me about the sex he was having with another man I swear that’s the last time he would set eyes on me.

Very odd thread to post here.

**Posted by walkbymyself** November 21, 2018 5:34 pm

"My wife learned long ago, if she didn't want to know the answer to something, don't ask the question. "

Doesn't sound like a healthy attitude on your part. Whatever is up with that, it sounds like something went down, she was deeply hurt, and you blamed the victim.

**Posted by vicky** November 22, 2018 1:49 pm

Happyland THANK YOU for your post!

The rest of you wow, what a bunch of jerks you are. There has been discussion/debate on whether bisexuality is real on this forum. His very first first sentence stated his purpose was to dispell the myth that they don't exist. So keep your hate to yourself and don't read further if that doesn't interest you.

Vicky

**Posted by Duped** November 22, 2018 2:01 pm

Seriously Vicky??

All this guy has proved is that he needs to have sex with men.

I would bet my house that this ridiculous thread is some part of his gaslighting of his partner.

How about YOU don’t read here if you don’t like what you hear from us.

And we are not jerks, we just happen not to be completely gullible anymore.

Jerks, indeed, maybe you want to think about how you speak to people here.

Last edited by Duped (November 22, 2018 2:05 pm)

**Posted by vicky** November 22, 2018 2:12 pm

I will continue to read here and comment here. I'd love to think about how I speak to people here....hmm thought about it, I'm good.

**Posted by Duped** November 22, 2018 2:15 pm

Well how about you don’t tell others not to read here then? Or is it one rule for you and one for everyone else?

Most of us have been called enough names by people spouting bullshit at us. When we call people out on it we absolutely don’t expect to be called names here.

Good gracious, have you understood anything here? Or shall we all just pretend that denial is the best way to keep you in your bubble?