OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Hi everyone, just having a hard few days

**Posted by shellshocked** October 29, 2018 10:16 am

Hi to all out there. Well the Red Sox won...I am a New Englander...but I hard a tough weekend emotionally. I am afraid of never falling in love again. I am letting my gay husband visit a friend he has made in Florida. It seems surreal-but I need to let go. My husband is my best friend but I have lost any romantic interest in him-which I guess is a good sign. Everyone out there I am here if you want to talk, Happy Monday.

**Posted by phoenix** October 29, 2018 11:03 am

Hi shellshocked,

Welcome to our group. It sounds like you are making some progress emotionally toward moving forward with your life and not staying attached to him. That's a good sign for you if your plan is to divorce. Love is the strongest emotion and it's one that doesn't diminish quickly. Many of us (myself included) took a very long time for that love to go away despite all the hurt and pain they caused us.

What are you planning to do for yourself? What can you do to love yourself and treat yourself? What parts of yourself did you give up to be married - that you can now rediscover? Fall in love with yourself first, get healthy and whole and move forward with your life. You'll probably find love with another person again someday, but don't let yourself worry about that right now.

Way to go Sox!

**Posted by Willowtree99** October 30, 2018 1:17 am

I know how you feel. My husband went on a date today and I’m feeling really weird about it. I don’t know how to feel. He is my best friend also. We have done everything together so I’m afraid of loosing my companion.
We haven’t had the best sex life for awhile. It use to be ok. So those feelings have faded.

But apart of me with him seeing this other guy on a date and talking with him is like “what the hell is happening right now? Why are you letting this happen? Yuck!!
I don’t want another guy liking my husband, I don’t want my husband living another guy, I don’t want them to have what we had. At the same time there isn’t anything I can do. I can’t turn any of this around to make him straight so to say lol. This is the weirdest feeling and most horrible feeling.

**Posted by Rob** October 30, 2018 9:51 am

shellshocked and willtree,

What you are both feeling I refer to as "the discard".    We love them fiercely and consider them our best friend but they are, in plain, frank. brutal words, hurting us.    They are not being a bad roommate let alone our friend or spouse.

Its a bad feeling and one needs to to come to terms with the fact they do not really love us anymore. Even an enemy would treat one better.   This feeling is our mind trying to come to terms with how they are really treating us. I found my body was better indicator of what was really happening; I would physically shake from the betrayal and blatant dis-regard for my feelings..

Please start building a support system for yourself. ...self compassion...you did nothing wrong and are both worthy and lovable..   These spouse do not realize out lovable and worthy our fierce love is..

This is not us leaving them, this is them rejecting us.

Sincere e-hugs.

**Posted by shellshocked** October 30, 2018 3:17 pm

Dear Willowtree-how long as your husband been out? It is hard, but I hear you in saying we can't change them. Do you have kids? One good thing is that since my husband has come out he is les distant and seems a bit relieved. But it is hard to keep the whole thing off our minds. Hi Rob and Phoenix-thanks for the support. I am having an art show next month and exercising with a firiend a few times a week and this weekend volunteering at a rescue horse barn. I am trying to cope.

**Posted by walkbymyself** November 1, 2018 9:55 am

shellshocked: it could be worse. You could be a Dodger fan.

Signed,
Dodger fan

**Posted by Willowtree99** November 2, 2018 9:18 am

We have older children. Yes I don’t feel I’ll ever find anyone who will love me or who matches me. My husband and I did have a lot in common and I’m scared I won’t find that again either. I know many of people find love again though so it’s possible. I’m just hopeless. I’ve never looked or flirted with men over the years and been faithful so I still have that feeling when a guy talks to me I cut it short and I’m not flirty at all. I guess it would be a relief for them but being close makes things hard to.

It’s definitely not easy at all and I’m sorry your going through this. Is there anyone you can go do something fun with yourself?

**Posted by shellshocked** November 14, 2018 4:49 pm

I have a date tomorrow-very nervous but there is no pressure for me I know it is just a date. But it has been 27 years! Wish me luck.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** November 14, 2018 8:03 pm

Yay! May it go well! Enjoy yourself!

**Posted by Shock18** November 14, 2018 9:11 pm

My husband of 23 years is living the dream. The first few weeks we was great followed by deep depression. Now, he is inviting everyone to the coming out party. He is so excited. He left me in a pile of shit and he is out having a good time. We are spending Thanksgiving with our girls together. I feel like throwing up. I feel like I can not trust anyone. Do they not understand that he cheated on his wife?
That is wrong no matter if straight or gay!!!!