Posted by OutofHisCloset  October 25, 2018 6:22 am | #11 |
DIWHahn
Are you interested in the stories of women married to men who decide they're transgender and now consider themselves lesbians?
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Posted by dlwhahn October 25, 2018 8:13 am | #12 |
I would love to talk about this, but just need to ask my advisor if she thinks this falls under the protocol for my study. I will let you know as soon as I am done talking to her this afternoon!
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Posted by Baffled October 25, 2018 6:21 pm | #13 |
I am curious as to why only straight spouses who are still legally married are being selected. When you can no longer deny the truth to yourself regarding your spouse, you suffer extreme trauma. You must deal with the fact that your marriage never was what you believed it to be. You must deal with the fact that your spouse is a complete liar (and hence possesses an inadequate moral character) who is self-serving and usually possesses numerous narcissistic or sociopathic traits or behaviors. The betrayal the straight spouse endured often causes acute or long term PTSD. A spouse still married and attempting to process the depth of the abuse that they have been enduring, would provide very different answers to questions than a spouse that has terminated the relationship and moved on from a place of just trying to survive to one of rebuilding what is left of a shattered life.
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Posted by lily October 25, 2018 8:08 pm | #14 |
yes I agree, Baffled - nothing very balanced about a study that only tells one side of the story.
That was my first thought, but then as I read further I realised she has taken one step in from the extreme position of straight spouses having no voice to let's hear from the ones that are still married. so I suppose that is something. it still begs the question tho - if you want to study to the experience of the straight spouse while married then don't you want to include what it's like down the track?
To take part in the study the straight spouses who have been in a MOM Long-Term would need to know that's what it was, and most of us that do know, by that stage it appears most of us are divorced. Whatever the statistics are it has to be too great a number to ignore without it altering the picture created by the study of the experience of the straight spouse within the marriage.
kudos to her having a go at it tho.
Last edited by lily (October 25, 2018 8:11 pm)
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Posted by Lynne October 25, 2018 9:12 pm | #15 |
Last edited by Lynne (February 3, 2019 1:22 pm)
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Posted by Lake Breeze October 25, 2018 9:29 pm | #16 |
Call me cynical and bitter, but my initial gut reaction to this whole idea is not good. My first thoughts were why would anyone trust someone who bamboozled their spouse for who knows how long to be objective and thoughtful with this type of research project? Aren't researchers supposed to disclose possible conflicts of interest, etc. Will her final write up mention that she is the gay half of a "marriage"? Wouldn't it be a conflict for someone in her position to credibly write about such situations? Also, isn't this like writing a dissertation about yourself (narcissism)? Maybe I'm way off base here, but something just doesn't seem right about this. It seems like an attempt to "academicize" (a new word - smile) a sensitive situation that should be dealt with on a personal and emotional level. Not that this whole subject can't be studied academically, but shouldn't that be done by someone who can be objective and not in the middle of it all themselves?
Again, maybe I am way out of the mainstream here, but these are my initial off the top of my head and gut reactions about this.
Last edited by Lake Breeze (October 25, 2018 9:33 pm)
"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" - Sir Walter Scott
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Posted by dlwhahn October 25, 2018 11:49 pm | #17 |
Hi everyone, I am hearing your concerns!
For the concern about why still married spouses- this has a lot to do with a decision made by my dissertation committee. However, just today, after carrying out a few interviews with straight spouses, I have made an argument and convinced my advisor to allow me to open up my study to divorced spouses as well. I agree that being divorced can have different implications, and these implications are important! This change takes time, unfortunately. I have to follow IRB protocols, and must ask for a change in my recruitment- this could take 3 to 4 weeks. So for now, I must keep my study to married spouses, but as soon as I am approved, I will be opening up to divorced spouses as well. We do not always get everything right, but I do strive to correct mistakes as quickly as I can.
Lynne asked if I interviewed my own spouse- I wish I could! However, as a researcher, I do not interview my own family or close friends. This is a practice that is looked down on in academia.
For Lake's questions- these are all valid concerns and questions! My final write up will disclose that I have come out to my husband, I actually disclose this in the very first sentence of my entire dissertation. I am a very reflexive scholar, and take pride in anyone reading my research understanding my positionally. I try to be as transparent as possible at all times, which is also what I am trying to do here. While my topic was sparked by my own experiences, it is not about me- but I can not say that my experiences do not influence my research. This is why I go through various steps to make sure my findings are valid. For example, I send my findings back to all participants who agree to let me keep their information. My participants then get to read and comment on my findings, telling me if they agree, disagree, or any comment they see fit. I then work with my findings again and continue to send out my findings until my participants feel as though I am writing something that is true to them. I also have several advisors and leading academics critique and question all of my methods, ensuring that I am following ideal analysis standards. You also pose a great question about objectivity of someone who is or is not in the middle of a Mom to do this study. This is a hot topic in academia too! We ask, do you need to be trans to do a trans study, do you need to be african american to study african american issues? Some say you have to be in it, and some say you should not be in it. For me, I hope that my experiences help me understand the depth and ramifications of what is happening, rather than make me biased.
Really, what I want all of you to know, is that I am trying very hard to be as sensitive, understanding, and as open as possible, I take everything you say into consideration, and hope you see my efforts to do the best research in order to give the most useful findings.
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Posted by jkpeace October 25, 2018 11:59 pm | #18 |
Darcy, I am interested in your study. My daughter is a university student who would like to do a research study on GID men/women who marry straight spouses. Of course, she will have her own experience, being the daughter of a father who was GID to her, for almost her entire life. I think her study would be worth reading. I think your study will be worth reading.
I am one who is divorced, after decades of marriage. I'm glad to see that you are pursuing the opportunity to open up your study to those of us who used to be in a MOM, too. There is nowhere near enough research on this topic. I hope your research shines a true light on this painful trauma. All the best to you, as you undertake this work.
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Posted by dlwhahn October 26, 2018 12:01 am | #19 |
Thank you Jkpeace, I love that your daughter wants to do this research as well! As soon as I have approval to interview divorced spouses, I can send you a private message if you would like, I would love to talk with you!
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Posted by Ellexoh_nz October 26, 2018 1:53 am | #20 |
lily wrote:
yes I agree, Baffled - nothing very balanced about a study that only tells one side of the story.
The straightspouses who don't stay with the partners often have their story told in the Voices podcasts
....actually. Their story does get told
KIA KAHA
