OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Not Ready

**Posted by BaitAndSwitch** October 20, 2018 8:19 am

LONG time lurker. I'm not ready to tell my story yet, but wanted to say thank you to all that have. I have gobbled up every story and post multiple times to try and get my head around what I'm going through. I have noticed that most times there are several lurkers while only a few members online, Please keep telling your stories! One day soon I'll share mine. I have read Seans posts and am scared because I know he's right, once we sign up we know our marriage is over. Still trying to hide my crazy while white knuckling the roller coaster ride I'm on.

**Posted by StrongerThanIKnew** October 20, 2018 8:31 am

I understand. The first time I shared my story really drove it home. Speaking it out loud just made it so real. I knew what I'd have to do, and it was like a point of no return. I imagine it is the same way if you tell your story on paper (or computer screen) or orally.

When you are ready though, we are here for you.

Stay strong.

**Posted by walkbymyself** October 20, 2018 8:44 am

It doesn’t get easier.

**Posted by BaitAndSwitch** October 20, 2018 8:53 am

Thank you Stronger and Walk.
I'm in self preservation mode right now. I just did the STD testing (all negative) and I'm going to see a counselor this week.

**Posted by Lake Breeze** October 20, 2018 9:09 am

A little different focus here: I just want to say how much your User ID speaks to me, and probably others. Bait and Switch - it is the most succinct label I've ever seen for what happened to me. I am sure many others can relate.

Welcome and keep posting. I never have shared my whole story and don't know if I ever will. It's just too painful to write it all down - even many, many, many years after the fact. I just add or comment off and on. Even that has helped more than anything else.

**Posted by BaitAndSwitch** October 20, 2018 9:30 am

Lake,

While I was lurking for so long I was trying to decide what my username would be, then one day Kel posted an analogy of Bait and Switch, and right there a username was born.

Last edited by BaitAndSwitch (October 20, 2018 9:31 am)

**Posted by Lake Breeze** October 20, 2018 9:58 am

Bait and Switch - I've read a lot of Kel's posts, but I must have missed that one!

**Posted by phoenix** October 22, 2018 9:03 am

Welcome BaitAndSwitch,

I'm sorry you find yourself needing to be here, but I'm glad you signed up and introduced yourself. Please feel free to post as much as you are comfortable sharing. Ask lots of questions and you'll get lots of advice and compassion.

You are right about the huge volume of people who read this forum without yet signing up. We are glad to help everyone of those people by sharing our experience and stories and advice.

**Posted by Rob** October 22, 2018 3:52 pm

bait&switch,

Welcome.

I think typing or getting some of it out keeps us from going crazy. These spouses that we love(d) so much can make us think there is something wrong with us. My GX was notorious for screaming and yelling. But I learned that screaming or yelling something loud enough does not make it true...it does not alter the horrible stuff they are doing.

Whenever your ready.. no pressure from us.. we get it.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** October 22, 2018 5:25 pm

Hello, Bait and Swtich,
Sorry you need to be here, and as the others say, when you're ready to tell your story we'll be here. I think many of us lurked for a while before we posted. I hope you have someone in your day to day life you can talk to. Or, if you haven't told anyone, are thinking of who that person can be. You may be surprised at how supportive your family and friends can be.