OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Fall '18 Check-in. How's everyone doing?

**Posted by phoenix** September 26, 2018 9:13 am

Things have gotten a little quiet here over the past week. For some forums that would be a bad thing because they want to grow and gain new people. Here, it's the opposite. A slow time hopefully means less new people going through hell.

Since we do have a little less activity at the moment, I'm going to pull something from Kel's playbook and ask for a check-in.

How's everyone doing?
What's new in your journey?
If you're still trying to make your marriage work, how is that going? Any new communication strategies or experiences to share?
If you're undecided about your future, what new questions or concerns do you have? What is biggest on your stress list?
If divorcing, how are things moving along? If past divorce, how have things changed for you this summer? How are you feeling? Any new stress points that have come along? Any new revelations about your past?

Any topics that you've learned about that might be interesting to share?

**Posted by phoenix** September 26, 2018 9:24 am

My update:
I'm so happy right now! I feel full and complete and healthy. My "triggers" are few and far between and when I do have something remind me of the past and make me feel bad it typically isn't a big deal and doesn't last more than a short time. My kids are doing great.. back in school and happy and I don't see any issues from what they went through that seems to be impacting them. Hopefully that will continue, but I'm prepared to address things as they get older and unknown insecurities surface. I'm growing more and more in love with this wonderful woman in my life and hoping that it will turn into something permanent. I've added so many hobbies and activities and adventures to my life that I've become incredibly busy. Adding a new relationship takes priority over all of that other stuff and has left me struggling to find any free time to stay caught up with life's responsibilities.. so that's a struggle, but one that I am ok with.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

**Posted by iamthelorax** September 26, 2018 2:04 pm

These are stressful times. The ex has spent months causing drama between my daughter and I and it's worked quite well. She/s going through adolescence and needs her mother. Instead of being a normal adult, she chose to cause strife and it's done nothing but make everyone miserable.
I'm not trying to make anything work with the ex. The less I have proof she exists, the better. Waiting for complicated papers to be resolved, hoping it will end ASAP so I can move on with my fiancé.
What I've learned is that narcissists are vicious people and they will come at you even when they have no reason to be in your life.
As for revelations, I still have flashbacks of things gone by years ago . They always reveal a detail I didn't understand at the time. It's always something that seemed innocuous but totally reveals the truth that eventually came to life.

That sounds depressing BUT!!!! I'm with someone awesome, in a normal healthy relationship. Someone who knows the reality of dealing with narcissists and has my back. I'm happy and more comfortable with myself. It's like I'm slowly recovering from the venom of living with a radioactive snake for almost 2 decades. My son lives with me full time after being unable to tolerate his mother's behaviour. My daughter and I will get through this hurdle. Life is hard but life is good.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** September 26, 2018 3:46 pm

I am climbing out.
I've been living in my own place for seven months, the court date for the divorce hearing has been scheduled, and we've agreed on a separation of assets. Our finances are separated, and we're near the day we'll close our joint account. Today, in fact, I transferred the deed to the house to him, and he paid me the sum we'd agreed on for his buying me out. It feels great to have the obligation and responsibility of the house off my shoulders, and even better to know that he can't renege on the deal to buy me out.
Psychologically, I'm still subject to ups and downs. Old habits and patterns(married over 35 years) are hard to break. I did so much processing after he disclosed that he had decided he was transgendered, so much looking back, so much bargaining with myself in order to believe I could stay in the marriage. I'm at peace now with my decision to leave and divorce, and I'm past the crying stage--I have sad moments, but they're not of the "I want him back" or the "I'm inadequate" or the "so hurt to be rejected" kind--and I live with so much less anxiety on day to day basis. What I know I need to heal completely is distance from him and time--distance being crucial. And I'm working to make that happen.
I'm sure there's much more to say, but at the moment those seem like the salient points.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (September 26, 2018 3:48 pm)

**Posted by 4everdamaged** September 26, 2018 4:44 pm

iamthelorax wrote:
As for revelations, I still have flashbacks of things gone by years ago . They always reveal a detail I didn't understand at the time. It's always something that seemed innocuous but totally reveals the truth that eventually came to life.

That sounds depressing BUT!!!! I'm with someone awesome, in a normal healthy relationship. Someone who knows the reality of dealing with narcissists and has my back. I'm happy and more comfortable with myself. It's like I'm slowly recovering from the venom of living with a radioactive snake

Here here, I can ditto the above statement. I like that, going to use that one - lived with a radioactive shake for me over two decades lol.

But yes, I can laugh. New hubby,s work schedule should slow down. Still trying to get healthy, been bedridden for almost a month not seeing much of hubby. But have made a solemn vow to not be the massive co dependent I used to be. Have encouraged hubby to still go to his, welding class. Took myself to the doctor today, (only a 3 hour wait in this one stop light town, lol). But now maybe I’m on the right medicine to get healthy and get things done around here. Looking forward to our delayed honeymoon in a month. Hip hip hurray

**Posted by Clif** September 27, 2018 8:06 am

Update:
Doing good. Almost 8 years remarried (Oct 8th). Ex-wife and her wife live 1500 miles away. Last time I spoke to her was at my sons wedding 2 years ago. Still think about it sometimes but it has more the flavor of memories of I movie I saw years ago. I am the happiest and most comfortable I have been my whole life.

I still read here almost every day and wish all of you here the best life possible.

Be well.

**Posted by phoenix** September 27, 2018 8:39 am

Clif wrote:
I am the happiest and most comfortable I have been my whole life.

What an awesome update!

I think every one of us will post something like this at some point in the future.