OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Have you ever stayed with someone after getting a STD?

**Posted by Me2525** September 1, 2018 1:17 pm

I know it sounds like a dumb question with a logical answer right? Well I have never discussed this with anyone..... I have been dying inside to see what people will think.... So I am married have 4 beautiful kids.... When I first pregnant with my first child I found my then partner on dating websites. It was a argument and a big violation of trust. Afterwards I discovered him on porn sites, and more dating websites. It had because a "thing" to argue about in our relationship. My husband always swore up and down there was no sex involved and that the dating websites were a way to make him feel some type of way about himself. About 2 weeks after the birth of my (3rd) child, I found another website and a actual message with him about to meet with an individual. I confronted him before he left after he told me he was meeting his friends to watch MMA fight. He swore it wouldn't happen again said he was sorry AGAIN. And for a while I had no issue. When I became pregnant with my 4th child (They are very close in age... "Whoopsie baby", so they say). I had my initial pap done and got a call from my same OB that delivered my 3rd child (she knew my husband and family), and she told me that I was positive for Gonorrhea (How embarrassing). I immediately came to tears and couldn't even be angry just devastated I was pregnant. Why me? I confronted my husband he was very nonchalant about it and claimed that he may have gotten it from a toilet seat at work. I am not stupid and didn't believe it and it became a argument. I didn't leave... How could I, I was pregnant. After testing positive my doctor had to do additional tests because of the STD and bam again positive for Herpes..... I have never EVER been so embarrassed, felt so nasty and I was MARRIED! Needless to say I have stayed with him. He claimed the Herpes was something to do with his parents. The Gonorrhea was still the toilet seat excuse for about a year and he confessed to being under the influence and was "out of it", when he was with another women.
I know I feel stupid for staying but I do love him... I can't seem to let this go... And every time we argue I do bring it up and I don't know if I should just leave... My kids would be devastated.... I would have to start a whole new life with 4 children (Its scary). I am at a loss... I recently posted about how controlling he is and I am just so lost as if to stay leave... I am depressed.. I have no one to talk to... I am hurting... Still trying to be a strong momma.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** September 1, 2018 6:41 pm

Me,
What your spouse did was to endanger you and endanger your unborn child. This is not a man who has your best interests or those of his family at heart. If you give some thought to the fact that his hookups were more important to him that your health and the health and welfare of his children you will see that you have nothing to work with in your marriage, and that in order to save your children from growing up in and then reproducing in their own families the dysfunction and selfishness being modeled to them and disrupting the peace of your home, the choice becomes not "if" but "how and when." You don't stay for the children; you leave for them. You model sanity and responsibility to them. Yes, it's scary. But it's also scary to contemplate what other STD your husband might bring home with him next. HIV?
You're in a very tough spot. Places you can seek help are these: your pastor (if you belong to a church), your parents or siblings, a women's shelter, your doctor, and a lawyer, who can help you understand your legal rights, and the type of support your husband will be required to provide for you and your children.

**Posted by walkbymyself** September 2, 2018 10:23 am

Me2525: if your daughter grew up and married a man, and came to you and told you the same thing you just told us, what would you advise her to do?

**Posted by Supportme** September 2, 2018 10:26 pm

Currently i am staying with hubby as we work through our future as we have 2 kids together. 18 years married and i found out his Same sex attraction after i found out i had Chalymdia! I was faithful, he came out when i confronted him. Long journey ahead. Hope this helps show your not alone or onlh one.

**Posted by walkbymyself** September 4, 2018 11:58 am

My husband continued to lie to me even after he was diagnosed with HIV.

Of course, now he's claiming that wasn't a REAL lie. It was only a lie by omission. Apparently, he thinks there's a difference.

**Posted by StrongerThanIKnew** September 4, 2018 12:40 pm

Me2525, you say you still love him. Fine. May I ask why? Is it because of the way he makes you feel? If so, how does he make you feel? Does he make you feel wanted? Desired? Is it because he makes you laugh? Is it because he makes you feel safe, protected? Is it the way he protects your heart? Is it because he is a good dad and sets a great example for your children as to how a man should act and treat others?

Is the part of him that is hurting you and embarrassing you a temporary thing? Or is that part of his character and not something that will change any time soon or even ever?

You don't need to answer these questions here, of course. Just something to think about.

Stay strong.

**Posted by Duped** September 4, 2018 2:56 pm

No, I have never stayed with someone who gave me a STD. And I absolutely never would. It’s appalling, dangerous behaviour.