OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Why do we have a "protected" MOM Section?

**Posted by JenS** July 26, 2018 2:12 pm

Deleted.

Last edited by JenS (January 4, 2019 8:22 am)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** July 26, 2018 2:17 pm

The MOm section is not protected. The presence of that section is being talked about
and disputed in the General section.

Debate about it is good but resentment of its presence means it won't ever be protected

**Posted by phoenix** July 26, 2018 3:47 pm

I don't understand why it's so controversial to ask the group to allow one section of the forum to be positive and constructive for those who chose to work toward staying married.

We might be 20% for MOM and 80% against... is it fair to the 20% to come here looking for support only to be told repeatedly by the other 80% that it can never work and they shouldn't try?

Is it so bad for the 80% to be asked to refrain from posting in an area that doesn't fit their support needs?

This was Sam's construct.. I'm hoping he will pop in and share his thoughts with us when he has a chance.

**Posted by walkbymyself** July 26, 2018 4:03 pm

Speaking for myself, I have no problem having that section available for support. I disagree with some of the stuff that's being posted, but I don't have a problem with it being up there for discussion.

**Posted by Duped** July 26, 2018 4:15 pm

phoenix wrote:
I don't understand why it's so controversial to ask the group to allow one section of the forum to be positive and constructive for those who chose to work toward staying married.

Obviously it’s because we feel it’s harmful to the straight spouse who has to belittle their needs to make it work. Unsurprisingly we care about the ones who choose to stay because we’ve been there and we know it’s hell.

**Posted by jkpeace** July 27, 2018 1:27 am

Re: The "protected" MOM section: The rules should be more clear. Those posting there should know that they will Not hear from anyone who thinks a MOM cannot work, in that specific section. Very plainly stated should be, "Any member who believes a MOM is inherently unhealthy should not post here. If you'd like to hear from those with a wider range of opinions, please, feel free to post in the other sections. Here, you will only hear from those who think you can make your MOM work."

Another rule should be: "Please, refrain from criticizing those who concluded their marriages were unhealthy."

Perhaps the rules just need to be highlighted, so that newcomers don't overlook them.

Last edited by jkpeace (July 27, 2018 2:12 am)

**Posted by walkbymyself** July 27, 2018 11:42 am

Lynne wrote:
Jen,

Yaz actually broke the first rule of posting in the MOMs section: "This forum is for those who have chosen to remain committed to their marriage after finding out there spouse has a same-sex-attraction. If this does not apply to you please refrain from posting here."

Lynne, thanks for highlighting this. I'd missed it completely. I think what you're trying to point out is that the MOM section, by its own terms, is supposed to be limited to spouses who learned of their partner's identity after marriage, not before. And since Yaz knowingly entered into a MOM marriage in advance, by the section's own terms she's supposed to "refrain from posting".

Put that way ... I do think it's a poor choice of words, to ask people not to share their experiences and opinions.

**Posted by Steve** July 27, 2018 7:22 pm

I don't think the Straight Spouse Network is for one particular 'type' of straight spouse. I think it's for those who knew they were getting into a MOM and for those who didn't. I think it's for those who choose to stay in a MOM and for those that choose to get out. We each make our choices and while we can make observations or give advice primarily we try to support each other through whatever particular journey we may be on.

As for a particular thread being 'protected' I think the need for that is best left up to the admins. The tread may have been getting hijacked by nay-sayers. If people are genuinely trying to make a MOM work the last thing they need is people telling them it can't or won't work. People actually DO stay in MOM's. There are probably more MOMs out there than we imagine.

I'm sure the people in the MOM's thread are perfectly capable of stepping outside the thread to get advice from people who think MOMs are a bad idea. I doubt it's a 'bubble' in there.