OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Gay Ex Remarries a Woman

**Posted by Baffled** July 17, 2018 9:07 pm

My divorce from my gay husband was final in December. Six months later he remarries a woman. Do they do this often? After Twenty years of his lies and gay affairs I found the courage to end it. He then became insanely religious and found his next victim. Is this like stuffing himself back in the closet to purify his public image?

**Posted by Roo** July 18, 2018 8:35 am

I have heard this happens often. If he has turned religious, she probably doesn't have any idea what he is doing on the side. She is going to be another victim.
These men suck!

**Posted by Abby** July 18, 2018 12:34 pm

Christian dating sites are prime hunting grounds for closeted gay men. I wonder how many Christian women who have not been through what we have even know this?

**Posted by phoenix** July 18, 2018 1:16 pm

Hi Baffled,

What you described is not uncommon. Many gay men are scared to come out of the closet so they marry a woman to maintain the outward appearance of a straight man. That allows them to conform to the expectations of the world, their family and their faith. When their wife finds out the truth and divorces them they will pin the blame on the wife and go find another one. You are so right when you used the word "victim". It's so sad!

I'm sorry this happened to you. But I am glad you are free of it and I'm glad you have joined us. Let us know how we can help you.

**Posted by Baffled** July 18, 2018 2:03 pm

Thanks everyone! I would describe my ex as a narcisstic sociopath. He is a master at gaslighting and manipulation. He was not secretive about his gay life except to his family. The entire company he works for knows his behavior (he ran around with employees). I can only imagine how creative he will be in explaining his past actions to the second wife. I am guessing it will be something like “I walked away from God and went down a dark path but you saved me and made me whole and I’ll never do it again, just don’t leave me.” He tried this one on me when I first found out...yuck! What he never knew was one of his hook-ups filmed one of their encounters and so charmingly sent it to me. The evidence is irrefutable, his face is crystal clear, the rest is not fit for even the raunchiest of minds. I vomited for days; there was no turning back, only moving forward. Beyond disgusting.

Last edited by Baffled (July 18, 2018 2:10 pm)

**Posted by B-Strong** July 18, 2018 2:13 pm

Wow, baffled .... I cannot imagine what you have been through. Mine is in denial. One of his long term lovers, almost outed him to me, but not completely or totally. I have lived in doubt. I kept thinking I wanted something like a film, or some sort of, any sort of, 'proof' (despite the fact that I have asked him sincerely since before our marriage 14 years ago and he has always vehemently denied). Finally I decided to go with my gut instinct and the many 'clues' I have had. However, I have never set a detective on him or checked up on his computer. I always just wished that somehow he would tell me. However, after reading your post, I realize that having the proof thrust upon you so forcefully must be a real soul breaker - intense, harsh, hard and I am so sorry you had to go through that. At times, I wish I had that. It would make it easier in some ways, but in others, I imagine it must be true hell.
Lots of energy to you - we will all get through this!
B-strong

Last edited by B-Strong (July 18, 2018 2:15 pm)

**Posted by Roo** July 18, 2018 2:27 pm

They are beyond disgusting. At least mine is. I have all the proof I need and then some. I'm just too much of a coward to get out of this. But, I think I may be coming to my wits end. I've had enough. I know he was at one of these clubs today and I still don't know how to face it.

Last edited by Roo (July 18, 2018 2:27 pm)

**Posted by Lena** July 18, 2018 3:59 pm

I often ask myself "what would I do when I found out my ex gay spouse married straight person?"

We had already learnt in a hard way that being GAY is not a life style, it is who you are and you cannot change it...it is not a phase.
Since we have this knowledge, should not we share it with those next victims? Are we allowed to interfere when we have this knowledge?

We are not a part of ex gay spouses lifes anymore, but we know the pain and the devastation feeling we were left with after discovering the truth...Our recovery journey took time,and we do not want to look back and recall that past anymore, but shouldn't we act?!

And what about those ex gay spouses family members- should they do anything to prevent another family disaster, and unhappiness on both sides?

Or, we have no right to interfere? And our voice won't do much of a difference in this case?
Or those ex gay spouses revange could be too devasting? I just read Bonnie Key story and that could have a place.

But then, it is almost like we witness someone being beaten up on the street and we won't call police and ambulance.

I do not judge anybody...myself, I am not sure what I would do.
After the trauma we need to recover from, it is understandable that we want nothing to do with those ex gay spouses anymore.
We want to move on...

But somehow this subject is on my mind when I read those stories like Baffled.

Last edited by Lena (July 18, 2018 6:11 pm)

**Posted by walkbymyself** July 18, 2018 4:56 pm

Baffled: I wonder about why one of his hook-ups did that. I mean, if it was just meaningless sex, what could make them want to out your husband to you?

**Posted by Baffled** July 18, 2018 6:06 pm

I got the sense it was about power and vengence. My ex gave a whole new level of meaning to the word vindictive. I’d bet my life he was ruthless in terminating their “association” and that enraged the guy.