OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Needing some support please.

**Posted by Abby** March 25, 2018 9:03 pm

"permanent hair color" I meant

**Posted by Nomorelies** March 26, 2018 6:21 am

GHG, it will get better. Once he moves out and your divorce is finalized, it will get better because you won't have him sucking every last bit of your energy from you. You'll be able to start healing and get on with your life. Of course, there will be good and bad days when you are angry or sad at the loss, but those days will begin to shorten and I believe are necessary for healing to take place. Set boundaries with him. If you eventually have to use your lawyer to communicate with him, do that. Take care of yourself. This is the right decision for you. You deserve better.

Aren't animals the best? I swear, I would not have been able to make it through my divorce (18 years ago) and what I am going through now without my cats. They are such a source of love and comfort and make life bearable when it seems like it's not.

**Posted by greyhound gal** March 26, 2018 9:57 am

Abby- "like a dramatically different haircut or permanent hair colourt. No tattoos or piercings either".

Ha ha- you been mind reading lol. Was thinking about another tattoo.

Last edited by greyhound gal (March 26, 2018 9:59 am)

**Posted by greyhound gal** March 26, 2018 9:59 am

Out of his closet- "Why don't they have the courage and decency to end the marriage themselves? Because to do so requires them to own who they are, and they won't. They will sacrifice everything to the closet: honesty, decency, authenticity. And then save face with themselves by pretending to themselves that they have no choice".

This is spot on. I outed him when I caught him looking at porn. I forced the issue when he refused to deal with it.

Last edited by greyhound gal (March 26, 2018 9:59 am)

**Posted by Count of Monte Cristo** March 26, 2018 2:42 pm

Hi,

In a similar boat here. It is hard to talk about isn't it? Mine is moving out. Change can help you or just something new. It is all so insane isn't it? Like so insane. I was 18 years together. Going through the divorce and so on. All I can say is be strong and tell your story to those that are close to you, or to those that need to hear it. Who cares what others think? Nothing you could have done in a million years. Life goes on. It has to doesn't it. It sure is hard at times. That emotional roller coaster is unreal. I am a man and we are taught to hold things in and to be a rock. Well this rock melts often and is so hurt. Trying to be strong for myself and my kids. She wants to come over to see my sick son. Well. No. It is my week. If he wants her then I will say yes. I will continue to be a nice person, but I will be hurt for such a long time.

**Posted by greyhound gal** March 30, 2018 3:28 am

This whole situation just now is truly appalling. He moves out in a week and has started packing. What a sad way to end a marriage- deciding who gets what. Its awful. Splitting up crockery and towels and furniture. Discovering he is trying to leave crap in the cupboards that is not mine and take things that are. I swear this will be my undoing. Not the big stuff but this. I am holding on by the skin of my teeth. Wish it was all over.

**Posted by Rob** March 30, 2018 10:34 am

hey greyhound gal,

Take a break and be kind to yourself. You're doing ok.   His moving out is not something that you created.

I recall looking around at all the stuff in the house and realizing its all gone..that it is all just stuff. I would give any of it for the person I knew back. I recall thinking the house, the stuff...none of it mattered. She made it all not matter. A home is made up by the people in it.

In the end she moved out leaving almost everything and taking the most annoying things like a dish or a pot. She left all the children's pictures..conveying to me what was really important to her.
The day she left I recall feeling a sense of peace and safety. Like a load being lifted off me. Of course, then, there was a sadness and crying...   but if we did not feel sad at such a loss we would not be normal..that makes us who we are..capable of true absolute love.

It will be over soon for you and after he is out you will start to see things more clearly.. for me I could see how messed up my life really had been; how much unnecessary drama and stress I put up with. My home is a calm and safe place now..free from drama, anger and hurt.   I will always love my GX but if you put a gun to my head now I would not take her back.

**Posted by greyhound gal** April 6, 2018 1:54 pm

Well, thats him gone. Been at my sisters for 3 days while he finished packing. Its been the most horrid, stressful week but at least now it is over. I've been really unwell with migraines which I guess was stress. Me and Florrie dog are home now and absolutely exhausted. One day at a time I suppose.

**Posted by Duped** April 6, 2018 4:21 pm

I’m glad you have your dog, mine have been my biggest comfort through everything.

It will get better, I’m glad for you that he’s gone.

**Posted by greyhound gal** April 7, 2018 8:03 am

Is it normal to feel so unwell? Or is there no normal? I feel like I've been hit by a bus. Sore joints and total exhaustion. But didn't sleep a wink last night. Strangely though, I am quite enjoying my own company today. I managed to attach a headboard to a new bed! Sounds silly but it was a first, lol