Phoenix,
​So would the pic of a penis be enough to know he is gay or could this be some fetish other than being gay?  I don't know if I'm in denial but do know when I confronted him awhile ago, he adamantly denied(which after reading stories here is common).  I actually don't get that since I told him the sex isn't important to me, then why would he be so afraid of confiding in me.  We have no sex and little affection.  I know that's difficult for some to "settle" for but it works for me so again, confused on why he would be so defensive?

thank you for your responses here!

Gay in denial people don't admit to being gay because they don't want to be gay - for whatever reason.  They could have every person in their life be supportive (which usually isn't the case) and still not want to admit it because they view gay people as X, and they're not X, so they can't be gay.  Maybe they think that gay men are seen as feminine, and they would never want to be viewed that way, so they can't say they're gay.  Their reasons don't really have to make sense to anyone (maybe they don't even make sense even to them).  We have no idea if maybe someone overheard their parents talking when they were three about how gay people are weak, or gross, or sinners.  And they forevermore see themselves as not ever wanting to be sick, because they themselves would consider themselves gross or disgusting.  We.just.don't.know.  Only they (if anyone) know.

I agree with Still Wondering - it's not really about the label.  It's about him soliciting sex on the internet.  It doesn't matter that you're not having sex with him or not if he's breaking his vows to you by soliciting from others - be they man or woman.  He's being dishonest with you, and he's lying about it.  It's not about whether you need sex from him to be happy.  Do you need honesty from him to be happy? Do you need faithfulness?  What do you need?  Are you getting it?

Kel

Thanx for your responses here.  As Kel said, I guess I have to know exactly what I need/want from this relationship and what I'll settle for.  There are reasons for staying and it all comes down to what my expectations are and what will be enough to want to stay...

To: Still Wondering...in answer to your question, "what does breaking chops" mean?  I think when I found him red-handed w/those pics on his pc and soliciting Craig's List personals, he was caught by surprise and somehow tried to imply that he was offended by gay men and trying to screw w/their heads in some strange way.  That ridiculous and nonsensical ans. just made me realize he was lying even more.  He really had nothing to defend himself with and that was the first thought that he could come up with, is my guess. Right now, I'm assuming he IS gay bc things do add up at this point and it's process of elimination and it's difficult staying out of denial and have seriously entertained the thought of spying on him.  He's never abusive and treats me great in other areas of this relationship.  I DID make him realize that if this continued or I found out he ever brings anyone here, he's history.  We have a lot vested in this relationship so I guess I'm buying time for now.