OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Telling your kids!

**Posted by Count of Monte Cristo** December 23, 2017 1:17 pm

Well,

The time is close. Telling the kids soon. They know something is up big time! My daughter, my angel is nearly 10. What a great age. Does she get to know that mommy needs affection and love from a woman and not me? My son is 7. Too young? My son to be ex says we need to talk to a professional first and so on. Worried I am going to be bashing her to the kids. I won't do that. Hurt. Yes! Waiting until after Christmas. Fun times my friends!!!!! My wife isn't seeing that person anymore since we moved. Lots to find here though!!!

**Posted by Daryl** December 23, 2017 2:45 pm

Is there any chance of telling them together? I think both these ages are a bit too soon to delve into alternative attractions. What they need to know is that they still have parents who love them. They will wonder about things like if they will still go to the same school, see their friends, where will they live? Maybe they will ask why it can't be fixed? You need a gentle way to tell them that you and their mom are not compatible anymore but respect each other enough to be co-parents. I'm sure others here have faced this with kids of similar ages. Hang tight for responses, these last few days before Christmas are usually busy for most.

**Posted by phoenix** December 23, 2017 11:59 pm

Message to kids

It's not your fault. Nothing you did caused this and nothing you could do would fix it.
Both parents still love you just the same and always will.
It's not your fault.
You will spend time with both parents but in different houses.
It's not your fault.
You will always be safe and keep all your toys and bed and friends.
It's not your fault.

If you think I'm kidding by repeating the "not your fault " part... I'm not. Say it often and keep reminding them. It's important.

**Posted by Rob** December 24, 2017 12:15 am

I'm in minority here..I do not think such young kids care why you're separating. TGT is hard for adults we tell to understand ..not sure if the kids want to be burdened with that. They just want a mom and a dad.

My kids are doing good. I just try to be the same dad they always know and can come to with any problem..they love their mom and I won't interfere with that..but they know they can talk to me when they need empathy and calmness.

Our kids get all the rights and privileges of our time, talents, and fierce love. Our gay spouses/exspouses have forfeited their rights and privelages.
Ie. Kid text me = instantaneous reply from dad. Absolute reliability. GX text me = delayed reply when I feel like it...none at all if its non urgent.

**Posted by Clif** December 24, 2017 6:43 am

JenS said " The way you feel about this situation today is not the same as you will feel in six months, one year, two years". She is quite correct about this. The rollercoaster lasts a while. Eventually you may looks back at this time remembering it like a movie you saw years ago. As for the kids, I have no life experience to help with. Mine were grown and moved away when TGT dropped in my lap. All I can say is be there for them. My thought is try not to lie to them if they ask a question. They will remember later.

Be well.

**Posted by Laurence** December 24, 2017 11:24 am

JenS. + 1. Unfortunately it is a marathon ! Also you will feel different over time. That’s a good thing !!

**Posted by Count of Monte Cristo** December 24, 2017 1:39 pm

Thanks for the advice. I am not saying mean things to the kids. Oh has she hurt me. Sending all of this divorce and separation stuff this morning via texts. Said she should have just left and not come out!!!! Cold! I tried so hard this year too. Futile as it was. The woman I married is so long gone. That makes it hard. So long gone. We will look into talking to professionals about talking to the kids. I can't be around her right now. Just too hurt. Merry Christmas!!!!