OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / A gay ex-husband answers your questions

**Posted by Sean** December 12, 2017 12:52 pm

Hi Duped. I don't believe I've been in a mixed-orientation-marriage (or "MOM") but who knows. Perhaps you have a different opinion. Here are the details: came out to my wife as gay (not bisexual) in May 2012; I slept with pretty much every gay man in my area starting from May 2012; we lived together as co-parents until separation in December 2014; followed by divorce in 2015. During our "limbo" stage, we no longer had sex, I never asked her to be part of a threesome, and completely ignored her pleas that we live as celibate roommates and co-parents until our youngest turned 18 (roughly 12 years post coming out). Perhaps this qualifies as a MOM because she was married to a gay man and I was married to a straight woman. I always considered MOMs to be more of a situation where both spouses consented to the relationship with the straight spouse fully accepting his/her partner's homosexuality. Your thoughts?

Last edited by Sean (December 12, 2017 4:44 pm)

**Posted by Duped** December 12, 2017 12:58 pm

I think that’s about as convoluted an answer as all the ones I had from my ex!

Last edited by Duped (December 12, 2017 12:58 pm)

**Posted by Sean** December 12, 2017 1:31 pm

How's this?

Q: It’s just that on that post you say you have no experience of a MOM?

A: Correct!

**Posted by Duped** December 12, 2017 1:58 pm

It’s confusing because you were but we shall leave it there!

**Posted by Sean** December 12, 2017 2:06 pm

Fair enough! Happy holidays.

**Posted by phoenix** December 12, 2017 2:23 pm

Sean wrote:
I always considered MOMs to be more of a situation where both spouses consented to the relationship with the straight spouse full accepting his/her partner's homosexuality. Your thoughts?

I think this is an important point to make.

I think for a couple to define their relationship as MOM, it would be necessary for both parties to have both knowledge and consent. Without BOTH knowledge and consent it is not a MOM marriage, but rather a faulty union defined by lies and cheating.

**Posted by lily** December 12, 2017 5:47 pm

am I missing something, since when did MOM not stand for Mixed Orientation Marriage - surely it simply means that and doesn't have anything to say beyond that.

I consider myself to have been in a Mixed Orientation Marriage, or are you going to tell me I wasn't because I didn't know I was!

I don't understand why Sean is being so coy or why you want to redefine it's meaning. In your version no one is the wiser, it's become a 'faulty union' - comes with a definition of lies and cheating and Gay has been wiped out of the equation entirely!

**Posted by Sean** December 13, 2017 1:29 am

Thank you for sharing Lily and Phoenix. Duped got me thinking so here is my question: Q: Following disclosure of a spouse's homosexual attraction, does a marriage automatically become a mixed orientation marriage ("MOM") or is the relationship just in a form of "limbo" before separation and divorce? Does a MOM require both spouses to consent or is it automatic once a spouse admits to being gay? Thanks in advance for your input.

**Posted by Duped** December 13, 2017 3:04 am

That’s just semantics. MOM stands for mixed orientation marriage which anyone who is in one whether they know or not, is in one. Sean, you knew you were in a marriage of mixed orientation; my post was more about why you said you had no experience of one since you knew you were gay and that your marriage was between mixed orientations. Yes, I understand that your wife may feel she was in a straight marriage since she didn’t know your orientation like you did.

How to define an acronym is sidetracking, it’s just an acronym for a factual situation which is two people of mixed orientations in a marriage; some know and some sadly don’t until disclosure. They may then choose to consent to remain in the MOM.

**Posted by Sean** December 13, 2017 3:36 am

'Sean, you knew you were in a marriage of mixed orientation; my post was more about why you said you had no experience of one since you knew you were gay and that your marriage was between mixed orientations.'

Agreed. I now see your point.