OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Acronym hell what do the acronyms mean. Feeling stupid

**Posted by Brainwashedbeard** October 13, 2017 2:14 pm

Ive been on this site a few times with the intention of posting my experience but it gets a little overwhelming almost like reliving it and i choose not to post my words. When my phone broke my boyfriend gave me his old phone but hadn't signed out of his second google account. I snooped and found hundreds of emails from craigslist. I dont even know what some of these terms mean to even wrap my head around it. The ads he placed were CD breeding bottom looking for PNP daddy to top him. Meeting at hotels and to bring him Tina, Poppers, and make him a sissy c_m sl_t. One of the pictures he sent of himself had my face in the background from the last eclipse. I know that these arent old like he says or that its some weird glitch the phone didnt sync right so the dates are wrong. I feel so stupid. What have i got myself into?

**Posted by Lena** October 13, 2017 2:42 pm

Hello Brainwashedbeard,

I am sorry you find yourself here.

Those CL adds, conversations and pictures are not a good sign. I assume we are talking about him messaging men, right?
I have been there, had hope that this can be changed if somebody wants it and it is IMPOSSIBLE.
I based this on my own experience.
Now what important is what are you going to do about it?
Do you want to share your live with somebody knowing that truth? What do you expect from your other half in a long term relationship? If you have doubts about him knowing all this and your happiness is on the edge that is the start point for you to evaluate your future with him.
I do not know if you have kids together, but if you don't, I will suggest to RUN AWAY and do not look back.

Look after yourself.

Last edited by Lena (October 13, 2017 2:54 pm)

**Posted by Duped** October 13, 2017 2:44 pm

Deleted

Last edited by Duped (October 6, 2019 4:59 am)

**Posted by Brainwashedbeard** October 13, 2017 3:18 pm

Im working with a womans domestic violence group to help me. Ive been in this relationship 2 years and i need some therapy to leave this relationship due to be manipulated and conditioned by a pathological liar. Im not using that term lightly. Efforts to end the relationship by myself,in the past went very badly.

**Posted by Duped** October 13, 2017 3:32 pm

Badly in what way? Is he violent? Or are you having trouble psychologically processing that this is a dreadful ‘relationship’?

What do you need to get away?

Is there ANYWHERE you can go?

**Posted by Brainwashedbeard** October 13, 2017 5:15 pm

Mostly i need time. He convinced me to quit my job to care for my ill, elderly mother. I crippled my ability to leave in doing so. I need to get a full time job so i can leave. The most important thing for me is to not have other aspects of my life fall to pieces in exiting this situation.The woman's advocacy group is helping me get free counseling to cope with this. If i had to leave right now i would be in a homeless shelter and if the cops come to my house one more time i will be evicted.

**Posted by Brainwashedbeard** October 13, 2017 5:22 pm

My secret life of getting it together to get away.

**Posted by Kel** October 16, 2017 10:24 am

What's that mean - the part about if the police come to your house one more time, you'll be evicted? Who told you that? Is the house in both of your names? Or if a rental, are you both on the lease? I know laws vary from state-to-state, but I've never heard anything like this before.

You DO need to get away from this man. Personally, I'd find living in a shelter easier than being with someone who supposedly loves me but is mentally abusing me. It's only when we have time and space away from them that we can finally see just how bad the abuse was. If - as his victim - you know it's bad, then it must be truly horrific. Do everything you can to get away from this man. He is toxic to you. He would be to anyone. Get away from him so he can't continue to force-feed you his metaphorical poison.

I wish you all the best.

Kel

**Posted by Brainwashedbeard** October 19, 2017 10:46 am

Its in my lease too many police calls and i can be evicted and considering that ive lied to my landlord about letting him back in the house a year ago that isnt good either. I appreciate everyones help and advice but i really wish people would just take it out my word about the housing situation. For my safety cant give up too much identifying info. Ive read all the landlord tennant law etc. Just take it at my word that my situation is as i say. I can work the housing part out in time but what i struggle with the tricks your brain plays on you trying to protect one from trauma and abuse. I didnt realize how over time how this guy was using lies and manipulation to condition my behavior to suit his lifestyle. The part of me that wants to run for safety is paralyzed with grief when i think about what was really going on. It makes it hard to do anything but sleep. Depression, anxiety, exhaustion creep in the minute i find myself alone with my thoughts. Then i think about just leaving everything behind and going to a gross, crowded shelter, losing my house, and having no where to store my belongings, rehoming my pets, and that isnt exactly a honeymoon either. For me right now tackling this one step at a time avoids crippling panic attacks and puts me on the right path of getting out. I hope this gets better with time but right now baby steps.

**Posted by Kel** October 19, 2017 11:24 am

Brainwashed,

It's not uncommon for people who've been gas lighted to be told lies about their living situation by the person who's mentally abusing them. Same with child custody rights. It's a control tactic they use to keep you scared, and control your behavior. Considering you've described your partner as someone who uses lies and manipulation to condition your behavior to suit his lifestyle, it would be irresponsible of me to NOT ask you where you're getting your information from. I'd certainly rather be told that you know the truth for yourself than to assume you did, and have you being taken advantage of because I didn't want to offend you.

Also, eviction law is often quite different than people think it is. For instance, in my state (Illinois) the landlord has to 1) give a written 30-day eviction notice, then 2) go to court and get a legal 30-day eviction notice, then 3) go back to court to get a date set for the sheriff's department to physically evict the tenants if they don't move out by the given time (usually months after this last court date). So if the police were called today and the landlord started eviction proceedings tomorrow, it would likely be sometime in Feb/March at the earliest that you would be truly evicted. If your landlord doesn't live on sight, he's not likely to even know that the police have visited unless he has a neighborhood informant anyway. I lived in a rented house for 8 years and called the police many, MANY times due to an abusive family member. That information was never sent to the landlord - the police didn't even know we were renters vs. owners. That was never even asked. As far as the police are concerned, the calls was about the about the people in the situation, not the physical residence.

Lastly, I'm not even sure it's LEGAL for your landlord to have this stipulation in your lease. If you haven't discussed your situation with a lawyer who is aware of the local laws, you may be in a completely different situation than you think you are. Understanding our rights can sometimes enable us to make different decisions and see our situation differently.

I wish you well -

Kel