Advice appreciated!

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Posted by Desperatelyseekingtruth
April 23, 2024 8:02 pm
#1

I’m new to this forum, I stumbled across the podcast, it has helped me feel like I’m not suffering alone. I’ve been together with my husband for 10 years married for 8.  I heard it described through one of the podcasts as “pink flags.” My first pink flag was the first time I heard his voice, I thought I can’t do this he sounds gay. My best friend met him for the first time and she said he must be a metrosexual, I thought he was gay. I wrote it off as a metrosexual because why would he want to be with me? He was divorced and had the opportunity to stay single, even if he wanted to be in the closet. This is my biggest struggle, he has taken 10 great years away from me, he wanted a perfect cover and I believe he choose me for a reason. I really felt in the beginning I met my soulmate. He loved showing me off, but quickly I noticed he would barely kiss me, there were I love you’s,  but no passion or real affection, except groping. I kept righting it off, I’m overreacting. A few years into the relationship I found a text from a man asking “what color panties do you have on?”  I confronted him and was told that’s what guys do, I said not any I know! I found another message he sent, that he was looking to broaden his horizons the day I left for a work trip. The man asked him his shoe size for next time he comes around his jungle. He has made me believe I’m crazy, my life is consumed with this everyday. I love him and and have empathy for what he is going through. I’ve confronted him several times and he makes me think I’m crazy. I’ve shut down. I guess I would like to know my gut is right.

 
Posted by lily
April 24, 2024 12:48 am
#2

yes your gut is right.  I think you know that.  Hopefully you do.  Sounds like he is gaslighting you mercilessly.

Have empathy for what he is going through if you like but first have empathy for yourself, what you're going through.

Look after yourself and be careful.  talk with others.  wishing you all the best.

 
Posted by Ellexoh_nz
April 24, 2024 1:50 pm
#3

Yes he isn't straight. And yes he needs you as a cover to convince people he's heterosexual.

We've got your back 😀 so please keep posting. It's important for your mental well-being.

Elle


KIA KAHA                       
 
Posted by ellierigg
April 24, 2024 2:35 pm
#4

Hi and welcome!
I’m with Lily and Elle on this, and everyone you will meet here in this forum wiill tell you that this is not a behaviour of a straight man. Just trust your gut and dare to act out of your  needs and not out of fear. You will get through this.

 
Posted by roxie89
April 24, 2024 7:26 pm
#5

This is what happened to me. Would find texts like this and be told it’s “Locker Room Talk” and i’m crazy.

Fast forward - by the third man sending these messages i said f this im out. I’m smack middle in the separation stuck in a house with him. Not only is it a nightmare but he spends every weekend with one of the guys and immediately throws his laundry in when he gets home.

i’ve learned quickly it is what it is.

 


 
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