OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Husband's new name

**Posted by Nadine** March 8, 2024 6:38 am

Hello - I wonder if anyone can help me?

My husband came out as trans just over 2 years ago and we separated immediately after 30 years of marriage. I have been at rock bottom but now feel I want to move forward with my life and file for divorce. I want him out of my life completely.
Two weeks ago he changed his name and title to 'Ms' on our 3 joint bank accounts but has kept his initials the same.The bank and my husband refuse to tell me his new name. So, I'm now in a position where I am unable to complete his name on the divorce application as it requires you to give new names by deed poll which is how he changed his name on our bank accounts. What should I do here?
It feels insane that I am able to share a joint bank account with someone but I don't know their name. I feel he's trying to hold me in a place and play silly games as his friends and my adult sons probably know but the person he's been married to and raised children with doesn't. I'm not going to ask my sons as I don't want to draw them in to any dispute. They've had enough to deal with.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

**Posted by Rob** March 8, 2024 8:16 am

Nadine,

Really sorry...this is one of the most psychologically cruel thing I've heard of ..my GX would envious of him. So he thinks its ok for you to be married to someone who's name you don't know.. He has definitely moved on in the 2 years and has shown what he thinks about you.

I would make sure you have your own bank account. The joint account ties you to him and simply a last marital thing to be divided (by bank account number). He may as well put the name Daffy Duck on the it..

Second, any lawyer worth their fee would not be deterred by your husbands secret name. Definitely file and move on with your life and leave him with his secrets.

Wishing you strength and peace in your new life free from secrets.

Last edited by Rob (March 8, 2024 8:18 am)

**Posted by Nadine** March 8, 2024 4:17 pm

Thank you Rob and MJM017 - I will look into those links. I already have my own bank accounts but unfortunately, the mortgage and bills still come out of a joint account.

I am seeking legal advice but my lawyer hasn't come across this before. The legal system needs to catch up with these crazy scenarios that I find myself in. He can change his name and gender (F) on our joint bank accounts, mortgage, driving licence, passport but his original name and gender (M) stays the same on our marriage certificate, deeds to our house and birth certificate until he obtains a gender recognition certificate in 2 years time. But I don't know what his new name is as he refuses to tell me. How can that be right?

He's still trying to control me as he did when we were together.. I will push forward to get him out of my life.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** March 8, 2024 5:19 pm

Please look up the spousal consent law in Britain. https://womansplaceuk.org/2019/09/21/spousal-consent-and-the-liberal-democrats/