Posted by lily  May 30, 2021 2:43 pm | #11 |
How are you going, Fury?
Has she backtracked or is she still saying she wants a divorce?
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Posted by Fury2021 May 31, 2021 5:05 am | #12 |
lily wrote:
How are you going, Fury?
Has she backtracked or is she still saying she wants a divorce?
I’m doing ok . Thanks for asking . It hasn’t come up, but my assumption is divorce is the only end game for her. The timeline moves around but the divorce is always at the end .
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Posted by lily May 31, 2021 7:10 pm | #13 |
oh okay so stalling a bit. do you think she might be using the threat of divorce to manipulate you?
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Posted by Fury2021 May 31, 2021 7:25 pm | #14 |
oh okay so stalling a bit. do you think she might be using the threat of divorce to manipulate you?
She cant really threaten me with Divorce. To both of us it seemed like logical conclusion to our marriage. Shes determined she is gay and she wanted to live free with this decision. Shes really diving in deep.. No pun intended. I still check up via an ipad. Talking about starting a life with woman and an eventual child. Seems rather sudden if i dont say so myself.
Nothing is in any sort of legal writing yet. We have discussed a plethora of topics. I even put some on paper and she agreed to them. She is giving up a large bit of concessions. Which does worry me somewhat.
To further salt the wound. Out of the blue while im laying next to my son while he is sleeping. Mind you she does still live here. Says to me "I really think you should date".. unprovoked. After telling her that my dating life is none of her concern, I threw out a "you just want to do what you have been doing, guilt free"... And response "what do i have to be guilty for" Me - "destroying this family" cherry on top from her "i dont feel guilty about that"...
At that point. i just stopped talking to her. She said all i needed to her at that point. Shes looking for places to move to.. So yeah theres that. Another soul crushing moment. But i mentioned that a few times already. 
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Posted by onceuponatime May 31, 2021 9:33 pm | #15 |
Fury,
I've had a similar situation. My husband of 11 yrs (together for almost 14) told me 9 months ago that he was attracted to men. We spent 8 months trying to figure things out. I thought we were doing okay; that he could still be happy being married to me, but 3 weeks ago he told me that in order for him to be happy, he needs to live his life as a gay man. I asked him to move out. We have a child together, and pretty much I only communicate with him when it's something related to our kid. My approach has been to cut him completely of my life. I lost my husband and the person I thought was my best friend. I try to focus on one day at a time; not to dwell on the past, and to start planning a future for my child and myself. There are a lot of reasons to be resentful, heartbroken, and sad about what we're losing; about the plans we had for the future, but I can't think about it, otherwise it would be too overwhelming.
Some days are better than others. Hope you find the motivation you need to move forward.
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Posted by Fury2021 June 1, 2021 6:35 am | #16 |
Fury,
I've had a similar situation. My husband of 11 yrs (together for almost 14) told me 9 months ago that he was attracted to men. We spent 8 months trying to figure things out. I thought we were doing okay; that he could still be happy being married to me, but 3 weeks ago he told me that in order for him to be happy, he needs to live his life as a gay man. I asked him to move out. We have a child together, and pretty much I only communicate with him when it's something related to our kid. My approach has been to cut him completely of my life. I lost my husband and the person I thought was my best friend. I try to focus on one day at a time; not to dwell on the past, and to start planning a future for my child and myself. There are a lot of reasons to be resentful, heartbroken, and sad about what we're losing; about the plans we had for the future, but I can't think about it, otherwise it would be too overwhelming.
Some days are better than others. Hope you find the motivation you need to move forward.
Hi onceuponatime,
Thank you for the response. Thats terrible. The Pandemic certainly hasnt helped. I wonder to myself if things might have been different had the pandemic only last the 15 days as intended. I dont care what people think. I sometimes think very low of the people who wait until they are entrenched with a home and family to uproot it all so they can start living life as "they should have always been". I feel your pain. I know how hard it can be to separate emotions and feelings when that person is still there. I find myself talking to my wife and at times forgetting what she has done to us.
Are you like me and stuck currently living with your husband?
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Posted by Fury2021 June 1, 2021 7:05 am | #17 |
I just found out, wife's bid on a condo got accepted. Like mentioned in my original post..I rushed her to make this decision. Cant help but feel like i got just stabbed with a tiny knife. If my son wasnt involved. i would have welcomed this. But the thought of hearing him say "wheres daddy" when hes over there kills me. He already did that the other day when they left to go to the park without me. Asking me to get in the car to go with them, not knowing that i wasnt going. Had to make up a stupid response to lie to him. I try to put on a strong front, but i know whats the move is upon us i will have trouble with it. And they make so Divorce so Fn difficult. I want to be done with this person, but i gotta go through sooo much crap just to separate myself from them. This should be whats done for marriage, not divorce. You know the time in which people want to be done. Doesnt make any logical sense. But im sure it has everything to do with society.
Ugh end /rant.
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Posted by lily June 1, 2021 7:33 am | #18 |
so sorry, you must be hurting over your son the worst. it all hurts. hoping for some good things to come your way.
wishing you all the very best, Lily
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Posted by onceuponatime June 1, 2021 8:10 am | #19 |
Fury,
I asked my husband to move out, and he did 3 weeks ago. I thought we were doing okay, until he went on vacation by himself, and then told me about just wanting to be gay. The day he came back, we still slept on the same bed, It was a complete torture for me to have him next to me, fast asleep, without a care in the world. He was able to turn a switch off, and went from having sex, hugs and kisses, to have no interest at all in me, just being friends. I could not deal with that. I could not see him every day, and pretend that I was okay just being friends.
Our child is 10 yrs old. He is upset about our separation. He wants to know who asked for it. I tell him that it's best if a couple is not happy together, for them to try to be happy alone. What I really wish I could say is that it's his dad's doing, he's decided his "happiness" is more important than us.
I don't know about your wife, but I feel my husband is acting like a teenager out of his parent's house. It's all about what he wants, what he needs. I'm the responsible adult who needs to take care of our son. Maybe you will have to be the one taking care full time of your son as well.
Good luck.
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Posted by Daryl June 1, 2021 8:17 am | #20 |
It can be shocking how fast some of our spouses can just move on. I think it illustrates how self-centered they can become. As MJM said, there's no reason for you not to start educating yourself on the finer details of separation, child support, access, etc. in your jurisdiction.
I would avoid dating in the near term. I think you are correct in that it's just a way for her to remove whatever tinge of guilt she might have. Also consider that it could be used against you, a bit of a character smear when it comes time to talk about future arrangements for the kids. You also want to wait until you are emotionally ready for possible new relationships and all that entails. Generally you want the current situation placed in your past and to have spent a little time getting comfortable with yourself again. Emotional baggage and all that.
Hang in there. Things are probably going to be a bit uphill for a bit, but it's surmountable.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
