OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Why we stay together...

**Posted by TangledOil** May 23, 2021 8:40 pm

I want to share some of the many reasons we stay together. We met 30 years and became best friends immediately once we began dating. We’ve never gone to sleep angry with one another. We’ve never slept separately. We are always able to resolve any issues fairly easily. We have always had a very passionate and affectionate relationship. My husband initiates affection the majority of the time, and I almost never turn him down. This may be hard to believe, but we've never had a lull in our sex life except for one three week period where one of us was sick and then the other got sick just afterward. On a day to day basis we get along beautifully. We are an amazing team and we balance each other out. If he is stressed I am the calm one and vise versa. We have beautiful, brilliant, well adjusted children who believe their parents marriage is a goal to strive for. My husband worked hard and afforded me the ability to be a stay-at-home mom. I've been home for 25 years, running the household, taking care of the children and running a small business from our home... the business only requires a few hours per week on my end. Honestly, I'm not sure my life could be any better. I owe so much to him and he'd say the same about me. We are wholly committed to one another. We recognize and acknowledge his bisexuality, it's not brushed under the rug. We can have fun with it in conversation. It's not taboo in our home. He is who he is and he's a beautiful person. I've mentioned other places here, I've suspected since we first began dating. We talked about it periodically, but he didn't put the bisexual label on it until 2-3 years ago. I understand this was difficult for him to figure out and he was fearful that I wouldn't accept himonce he gave it the label he did. I never had an issue with the bisexuality. He's a good person, one of the best I've met. From the beginning I've always said he made me a better person and even though it's evolved over the years, I still feel he makes me a better person.

I'll add more to this as it comes to mind.

Tangled

Last edited by TangledOil (May 24, 2021 11:26 am)

**Posted by Abby** May 24, 2021 8:47 pm

I do not read the MOM's section usually because after 30+ years of marriage my husband, who had acknowledged during marriage counseling early on that he was "Bi", told me that he was gay and wanted a divorce. Despite his promise then that he wanted only me and our re-commitment to each other it was not enough. We did not grow apart: I did not grow a part he wanted.

If you have had a close and loving relationship, including sex, then your experience has been different than mine and probably most of the women who post here. You are in a honeymoon stage now and I surely hope that your husband will continue to curb his desire to be with a man. Please be more compassionate though and patient with those who come here with pain and anger. Healing cannot begin until it all comes out.

**Posted by TangledOil** May 24, 2021 9:40 pm

Thank you, Abby. If we’re in a honeymoon phase we’ve been in a honeymoon phase for 30 years. I have compassion for anyone’s unfortunate, or worse, horrible situation. Truly I do. I can’t even imagine what some straight spouses are going through, but I’ll always have compassion.

Tangled

Last edited by TangledOil (May 24, 2021 9:50 pm)

**Posted by TangledOil** May 24, 2021 10:35 pm

Hi MJM,

I asked if you’d be ok with me messaging you and I must have missed your reply. I surly can message you directly in the next day or two.

I stick around mostly to be a sounding board for others who are staying in a MOM.... to ensure it’s as healthy as possible whatever the couple decides their MOM will look like. We are monogamous, but some others choose to stay in their MOM and pursue non-monogamy.

No, I’m not looking to profit. This is all voluntary on my part.

The Discord is just getting off the ground. It’s very small. Less than 10 members currently. It’s by invitation only by a few of us admistrators/moderators for straight spouses in a MOM with bi or gay/lesbian partners.

There was another Discord group I was previously a part of, but a few of us branched out and decided to start our own.

I have no idea who’s looking at our subReddit or posting there. I don’t know their age, ethnicity, nor if they’re in an abusive situation unless they disclose that. As s typical on the internet, we don’t truly know the situation of anyone we interact with online.

Tangled

Last edited by TangledOil (May 24, 2021 10:47 pm)

**Posted by Gloria** May 25, 2021 6:36 am

Tangled, thank you for sharing your reasons and your story. My therapist told me that I have to weigh the pros and cons of the relationship and decide what is best for me. She told me to stick to what I decide and not to let anyone tell me what to do. You do what is best for you. Happy that you are happy.

**Posted by TangledOil** May 25, 2021 12:08 pm

MJM,

As one of the moderators of the subReddit I have only had to ban one person so far. It wasn’t a difficult decision to make. The person was a man who had said he had always known he was gay and he seemed to enjoy antagonizing the straight spouses. I made the decision to ban him in less than 15 minutes.

I would not be able to send you an invite to the discord group as there are three of us that join together and discuss who we will invite. The invitees have to meet the following criteria... currently in a MOM with a gay/lesbian or bi spouse.

Tangled

**Posted by TangledOil** May 25, 2021 12:11 pm

Gloria,

Thank you. Yes, absolutely… every situation is different and each individual person needs to make a list of the pros and cons and do what’s right for them. Early on after he came out we talked about the possibility of divorce... not in an angry way, but I truly wanted him to experience the other side without me being in his way. He wasn’t interested in that at all. I feel for him... I know my husband thinks bisexuality is weird. He has even said he doesn’t wish it on people.

Tangled

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 25, 2021 1:13 pm

Deleted and reposted on the General board in Tangled's thread

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (May 25, 2021 1:24 pm)

**Posted by Dutchman** May 25, 2021 4:47 pm

Tangled,

So good to read your beautiful description of your marriage.
One gem I want to highlite:

We have beautiful, brilliant, well adjusted children who believe their parents marriage is a goal to strive for.

Yes, when you can write that, you've got it!

**Posted by TangledOil** May 25, 2021 7:12 pm

Thank you, Dutchman. We are exceptionally flattered they think so highly of us as a couple. I’m not sure we’re worthy of ALL that, but it’s still very flattering.