OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / How to start

**Posted by Qwerty** April 8, 2021 8:39 pm

I've decided for better or worse to stick it out with my spouse. After posting in the support section I realize that I guess I belong here. Problem is that she is not responsive. It has been three weeks or so and she is saying how she wants to stay with me but is not even demonstrating the courage to go and spent time with me or even do basic tasks. I am taking care of nearly everything. She is just full of self pity. It is like she is short circuiting. Has anyone experienced this and how long did it last? It is all one way traffic and I am the one who got cheated on... I want to try the mom but can't do it on my own.

**Posted by Sam (Admin)** April 9, 2021 11:38 am

Your last sentence says it all. You can't unilaterally decide you want a MOM. It takes commitment from both partners. No telling how long her current demeanor will last. Have you tried or considered counselling?

**Posted by TangledOil** April 9, 2021 11:45 am

Querty,

Like the others have said before, both of you have to really want this and to work toward it actively to make a MOM work. If you are the only one putting in the work it won’t work. I’m so sorry. I wish I could reach out and give you a gentle hug.

Tangled

Last edited by TangledOil (April 9, 2021 5:41 pm)

**Posted by Blue Bear** April 9, 2021 12:13 pm

Qwerty wrote:
I've decided for better or worse to stick it out with my spouse.

Both of you have to agree to "stick it out" if you want to have a healthy marriage. Measure her desire to "stick it out" by her actions rather than her words.

**Posted by Qwerty** April 9, 2021 12:19 pm

@hawthorne, thank you for the observation about women in her situation. That is another nail in the coffin for our marriage.
@sam, we are both doing individual therapy for now. Hopefully marriage counseling at some point once things stabilize, if they ever do.
@tangled thank you for the virtual hug. It means a lot.
Actions do speak louder than words as some have said above. I want to shake her up and tell her to get her head out of her rear end. Maybe I will tonight. She needs to put her words into action or we may as well quit while we are still young (late 30s). I just don't want to quit if we can get it to work because of we can somehow have peace and be happy, then that is the preferred route for the sake of the kids in particular.