Blue Bear wrote:

......I think some of these counselors try to live a swinging, sexually adventurous life vicariously through their clients.

Way back....when I was wanting to understand what my bisexual partner was going thru, and thought if I spoke to 
a counselor who dealt with LGBTQ people...that I could get to a better place with the knowledge I gained

The guy just made me feel stupid and suggested my partner needed to explore and I was holding him back. 

I could have cut the tension in his room with my intuitive straightspouse knife. 

Elle
 

Yeah, when I told my now ex I didn't want to be his sounding board for how to be a woman and he needed to see a therapist, he saw a trans man therapist who without ever meeting me had the temerity to make assumptions about my personality (based on gender stereotypes) and recommend a therapist for me based on no knowledge of me at all (and my not having asked).  

 As in most jobs/professions, some are good, some aren't.  A degree isn't a guarantee of professionalism--or even of a balanced personality.  

The first therapist my husband went to kept pushing for an open marriage. She even invited me to one of the sessions (for a different reason...more disclosure, which didn’t take place & she let it happen)....
During the session I went to, she talked about opening the marriage. I adamantly told her there was NO WAY I could do that. Period. I sure thought I expressed myself well enough.

Apparently, one of her friends wrote the book, “the New Monogamy”, which focuses on open marriages, so she’s really PRO opening them.

At that time, my husband had mentioned he would prefer an open marriage (heck, that’s what he’d been doing all along, just without my approval/conceding to it). So, a few weeks later, she mentioned it to him again. That’s when I told him she completely ignored my saying I will NOT entertain the idea at all. 

That’s when I told him I wanted him to find another therapist , and he did. that one didnt’ work out, either, but he was pro-marriage, which was good. His problem was that he wanted to chat too much about personal things & took up my husband’s time on ‘his’ life instead of my husband’s....so, we’re off again.... We’re going to try a couples’ therapist this time & will interview them first (we didn’t the others....bad mistake that cost a lot of time & money down the drain) and find their views, ways of dealing with problems, etc. & then, decide if we want to hire them.

Oh, and Upside, yes, those COSA meetings are good! I was told to stay after the meeting (they are virtual/zoom meetings) and ask if anyone had a similar situation with SSA, but I didn’t follow through. My husband quit doing all of that, so I’ve been concentrating on other things for now to get us back ‘on top’ of things.
Good luck with the new therapist, Epiphany!

So we had our couples session with the new therapist today. She is going to work individually with me as a trauma specialist and my husband will be seeing a sex therapist to help find his truth. We will then come back together with both therapists as a couple in about 3 weeks. In the meantime my husband is agreeing to stay monogamous and no matter what, full disclosure is the now current goal in our marriage. I am no longer pursuing an intimate relationship with him as he sorts this out. There’s so much grief that comes with realizing that part of us may be over. However, I’m beginning to envision what being married to him a little longer could look like as well as my possible newfound freedom in the future. I’ve stopped trying to dress or act a certain way realizing this isn’t on me. That realization in and of its self is very freeing. No matter what, we are good friends. I always said “be each others best friends ” if you want your marriage to last. I didn’t realize there was a scenario that could cause us not to work. There’s a long road ahead but at least we’ve slowed this train wreck down so we can move forward with gentleness and truth. And who knows what the future holds. I’m not giving up hope on us just yet but I’m definitely preparing for my possible future on my own (and that doesn’t look as scary anymore).

Thanks for the support to you all, I truly cherish this group.

- Epiphany (almost put my real name 😝)

Epiphany wrote:

I’ve stopped trying to dress or act a certain way realizing this isn’t on me. That realization in and of its self is very freeing. )

This is a great place to be...!