please forgive me, for i know not but to be blunt.
are you gay or straight? i ask this because if your straight, then what is the point? regardless of feelings or hope, if you're straight, your need to invest all you have left to offer, all hopes and dreams and plans for a future with an HONEST STRAGIHT MAN. i fear ill never allow myself to love like i did with my ex. i can hope all i want that shell come to me and be remorseful and want "us" again. but in my loneliest, darkest moments of being alone with my own thoughts, i know, in my heart it can never be. how could i ever go back to the person i gave my everything to? i am straight. period. she is not. there is no amount of effort or energy i or we could put into it again, for it ever to be completely true, honest, or real.
if you are ok with this "man" then good luck to you. theres what, 8 billion people on this planet, and he is the only one deserving of you? to not be made love to? connect with honestly and deeply? i will forever love my ex. i will forever want us again. but we cant undue the things we've seen. we cant unhear the things we've heard. there is no changing them, for them to finally "be them" means we will always be second. never equals. in the hopes of making that work, we will forever be trying to put a square into a round hole.
straight is straight. we shouldn't have to settle. .