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December 22, 2020 7:11 am  #1


Please help me & guide me to those that have had similar experiences

I am really struggling with what to do, he came out to me as transgender and having gender dysmorphia and how he was undergoing hormonal treatment a month after we started dating, I was told he was trans and I confronted him and he lied and kept lying and then eventually he came out. He wants to have kids and plans on saving Sperm so we can have a family still, and I do love him, I fear that this change means he’s going to find himself into other people or curious I should say. He claims when he changes he plans to still only date females and would prefer it to be me, but I fear he only wants me as a surrogate for his children. We have never had sex in the 1 year length of our relationship as he claims to be waiting for marriage and he never promised that we would figure that part out once he transitions. So should I stay with him in fear out of love or is it best to end it? He wants me in his life either way, but I definitely wouldn’t be able to keep him around. I really do love him, and I went through his phone and saw him talking to another one of his trans friends, and confronted him and told him he needs to start talking to me about things, and he has since come a little bit more out of his shell. He starts therapy again for all of this December 29th, I don’t know what to do. I promised him I would stay with him but I’m so scared, I also have no one to talk to about the whole situation

 

December 22, 2020 8:03 am  #2


Re: Please help me & guide me to those that have had similar experiences

If you are not already, I would begin seeing a counselor immediately. From the information you have provided and since you are not married I would run the other direction fast and furious! Do not move forward in the relationship and commit yourself to a lifetime of struggle.

 

December 22, 2020 8:11 am  #3


Re: Please help me & guide me to those that have had similar experiences

You asked so I'm giving you an answer:  End it.  Then go no contact.  

 He is not good partner material.  He is not good father material.  He doesn't even want to be a man.  You have "never had sex" because he hates his male genitalia, and married or single you will never have normal, heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex with him.  

 You write that you are "scared" and live with "fear."  That is your body telling you to get away.  Listen to it, and get away.

 

December 22, 2020 9:21 am  #4


Re: Please help me & guide me to those that have had similar experiences

I agree with MamaBear and OutofHisCloset. Get away from this relationship and get a counselor for yourself. You are so far down on this person's list of priorities that you need to figure out why you are even considering whether you should settle for so little.

Respect yourself. Honor what that voice within is telling you. Sirens and flashing lights are going off in the background.. Don't delay.


Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
 

December 22, 2020 12:35 pm  #5


Re: Please help me & guide me to those that have had similar experiences

please forgive me, for i know not but to be blunt.
are you gay or straight? i ask this because if your straight, then what is the point? regardless of feelings or hope, if you're straight, your need to invest all you have left to offer, all hopes and dreams and plans for a future with an HONEST STRAGIHT MAN. i fear ill never allow myself to love like i did with my ex. i can hope all i want that shell come to me and be remorseful and want "us" again. but in my loneliest, darkest moments of being alone with my own thoughts, i know, in my heart it can never be. how could i ever go back to the person i gave my everything to? i am straight. period. she is not. there is no amount of effort or energy i or we could put into it again, for it ever to be completely true, honest, or real. 
if you are ok with this "man" then good luck to you. theres what, 8 billion people on this planet, and he is the only one deserving of you? to not be made love to? connect with honestly and deeply? i will forever love my ex. i will forever want us again. but we cant undue the things we've seen. we cant unhear the things we've heard. there is no changing them, for them to finally "be them" means we will always be second. never equals. in the hopes of making that work, we will forever be trying to put a square into a round hole. 
straight is straight. we shouldn't have to settle. . 


it is, what it is. 
 

December 22, 2020 12:41 pm  #6


Re: Please help me & guide me to those that have had similar experiences

Agree with the posts above.   The fear, worry and trouble you feel is your mind and body telling you something.   It will not magically get better if you stay with him. 

This is not you leaving him..this is him rejecting you.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

December 22, 2020 1:04 pm  #7


Re: Please help me & guide me to those that have had similar experiences

Dogs,

As much as I love ‘love’, this can’t be ‘it’ for you. I have to agree with all of the above. You’re in for a lifetime (which it in all likelihood wouldn’t last anywhere near that long!) of hurt, worry, and trouble. What you’re feeling right now is just a peek of what your life would be like if you tried to stay together. I know you love him. I was married 32 years when my firs husband died, and I didn’t think I could love anyone else, and along came my current husband, and we became best friends and got married. And, I’m sure I was much older than you are (I am also chronically ill, and not able to traditionally go ‘out’ and date), so if it could happen to me as quickly as it did, it can happen to anyone.

Best of luck to you. Reach out any time!

((((HUGS))))

 

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