BTW, I am new so please let me know if I enter something incorrectly 😃

Stevo,
Yes, I am glad we are all here for each other. 
In my case, my husband who is Caucasian has always wanted “different things” in his life.
Such as being an exchange student in Japan , then Europe, then dating a girl who was African American, then dating me ( I am Asian), then having an asian wedding, then finally having biracial kids.  He is a narcissist and I finally realized it.
He says he wants us to try to work it out but now I am wondering what  th next “fix” will have to be to make him happy......
Chat anytime too and sorry for rambling......😀

Stevo, I'm sorry, but sadly everything you say resonates with me.  I was 8 years in, no children however.  The ups and downs are challenging.  I wrote in another post that even the seasons changing are causing me upset.  Mine has been since June.  The one and only thing I take comfort in is knowing I was true in my love and fidelity to him. I gave my all, but no matter what, I cannot compete with a man.  He never had passion for me and now I know why. Even now, at times I find myself wishing he'd call and fight for me to come back.  Our mind does funny things.  Therapy helps a bit.  Crying it out at times helps.  I do believe it's important to feel all of the grief, sadness, loneliness etc.  Pour your love into your son.  Do things for yourself that give you comfort even if for a moment.  One day at a time.....

Just wanted to attempt to answer Figstrong's question:

"After reading so much, I don’t understand why the wife/husband who knew so many years ago they were attracted to the same sex did not end the relationship with us early on? Did they not realize we would be hurt?!?! Or at least talk to us early on? My husband says we will continue to work on this but at what cost to him as well as myself......."

I'm not an authority, but I've met a lot of straight spouses and lived through a pretty brutal roller coaster ride myself.  My perspective is that at their core, these gay spouses are psychologically damaged people.  They are selfish, are comfortable with inflicting profound deception upon the person they supposedly love the most in the world, and are comfortable living their true sexuality only when they have the escape hatch of a gay relationship (usually in the context of a covert same-sex affair).  

My ex-wife tried to fake a straight life because her father (a completely dishonest asshole himself, as I have discovered) once told her and her brothers that if any of them "turned out to be gay", he would disown them.  Growing up in South Texas further buried her sexuality.  She also had a more messed up family life than I appreciated back when we got married, lots of family secrets and dishonest behavior.  None of this justifies what she did to me, but it sort of sets the stage.  These are people who view the world through a broken moral lens.  If they viewed the world in the honest way that we straight spouses did, then straight spouses would be a much rarer species.

Sweeping generalities?  Yes.  But this often seems to be the story.

 

Blue Bear,
Thank you for your reply. What you said makes sense.  I am taking it day by day as most of us are.....