OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / How to get off THEIR rollercoaster

**Posted by TakenbySurprise** September 29, 2020 10:30 am

As the start to the decoupling process, I am getting a separate cell phone line. I realized I could save a lot of money with a prepaid plan and settled on Straight Talk based on friends' reviews. The irony is not lost on me.

**Posted by soconfused** October 21, 2020 9:42 pm

Terracotta wrote:
Hi there Taken,
I've experienced what you are going through now, around 3 years ago. I have lost everything and was forced to start a new life and I don't even care now. It was worth it.
I cut ties with them after I remained friends for like two years or so and ruining my own mental health, getting depression, etc. You will instantly feel better the moment you cut ties with them.
I can just advise you not doing it half-heartedly though. You won't regret it.

I'm struggling with this now. Ex husband, now she, thinks we're friends. I can't be friends with a person I can't be honest with. She claims she doesn't remember abusing me, doesn't know who that abusive husband was. I guess to her none of it happened, since it happened while she was a he. I still remember and am affected by all the rage and lies and spending. She messages me with personal stuff, generally about how she's really a woman. I give neutral answers. But it affects me. I want to stop. But I'm afraid of the rage and smear campaign that happened before we split up. I keep thinking it shouldn't affect me, but it does. Could you tell me how it helped you to cut ties for good? We do have an adult child together, with special needs, so I don't know if I can just not speak at all.

Last edited by soconfused (October 21, 2020 9:44 pm)

**Posted by Rob** October 21, 2020 11:49 pm

Soconfused

You're already done some of it with the neutral answers.

I reply if it's on topic about the kids and I keep it on topic.

...if its not about them such as an insult or a random thought my GX gets;

Silence
Crickets
Nothing
No reply.

That should let him(her) know you will not partake in significant conversation not related to your child. These spouses have forfeited all rights and privileges to our time and talents. They do not get to hurt us, pretend they didn't and expect to have the privilege of time with us.

These spouses chose.. their choices have consequences. One consequence is they do not get to be a significant part of our lives because they want to or feel they can. It sounds cruel but we all know they will simply hurt us again.. they have lost their right to hurt us ..

**Posted by soconfused** October 24, 2020 1:29 am

Thank you, Rob. That helps. I'm trying to get there. I don't know why, but I don't want to hurt ex's feelings, on top of being afraid of the rage and smearing. He acts as though we're good friends, that he can talk to me about anything, but it's all one sided. I got another long text today, but I didn't respond. I'm just too tired and sad. I wish I were better at not caring about people. I don't love or trust ex, though on some level I still care I guess, but I still don't want to hurt them.