It just never stops.  Last night, he told me he was renting a PO BOX to get packages of clothes, wigs, shoes.  And also planning to spend almost a $1k to get laser hair removal.  He had already made the appointments!  This is not what we agreed to and I told him so.  I've only known for four weeks!  Of course, I couldn't sleep most of the night.

He got mad at me this morning because I asked him to please treat me as he would want our daughter to be treated in the same situation.  He was livid and told me he was ready to leave now and I don't have the right to veto his choices and he was ready to hand over custody of the kids and just be a check writer.  When I asked for time, he told me I needed to get over it because he has waited long enough and because he was going to do what he wanted and he wants his own life.  And on and on. . . 

And then two hours later he wants to talk to me again and is crying and apologizing and breaking down, saying he's not ready to leave, not ready to change.  

 

Taken - Your situation is a bit similar to mine and yes it is a roller coaster and we are in a spot where we are expected to manage our own roller coaster and theirs as well.

In my case they are spending (I am spending as the sole provider) >5k plus always coming home with new clothes and shoes. “To do” lists still sit idle but appointments can be made for laser and shots and pills and time to chat on the phone and text for hours each day to new friends (yes the same with the ignoring the kid, that part really struck with me as it is the same here). It’s all difficult to handle on top of handling everything else. I’m on the mobile version so cannot scroll the thread but I think someone mentioned the behavior being even beyond  TTT.  So perhaps TTT and a combo of a personality issue? I have no idea and I guess in terms of handling my new reality it doesn't much matter. I get their being excited about being this new person and the constant preening of what I’ve read is like another puberty. Guess I’m saying being the one that is then tossed all of the responsibilities being dropped is difficult.

I’ve been working hard on detachment and that has helped a bit. So I can certainly suggest that as something to try. Work stress has put a pause on it but I’ve also received a lot of great info on working through betrayal from a friend that I want to work through just to process everything.

Already had the appointment with an attorney (and I am one too although not currently practicing).  After the outburst of this week, we sat down and hammered out a legal separation agreement in principle.  We also agreed to move up the move out date.  I just need to clean up the draft some and we will be getting it notarized.  I may be shellshocked, but I'm not stupid.  I am not falling for any more of his half-truths.  I want it all on paper from here on out.  

It's going to be a financial struggle, but I want him out of the house.  It's hard to believe it's only been one month today since he disclosed. I still don't understand how my life became such a dumpster fire. 

Hi there Taken,
I've experienced what you are going through now, around 3 years ago. I have lost everything and was forced to start a new life and I don't even care now. It was worth it.
I cut ties with them after I remained friends for like two years or so and ruining my own mental health, getting depression, etc. You will instantly feel better the moment you cut ties with them.
I can just advise you not doing it half-heartedly though. You won't regret it.