OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Breathing

**Posted by OnMyOwnTwoFeet** August 6, 2019 11:27 am

Last night I told my husband I would like a divorce. Hard.

**Posted by morpheus** August 6, 2019 11:58 am

I'm just reading your message and sitting in silence. It had to be a very difficult choise to make, but, i think, it is the only way to get outside of nightmare.

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** August 6, 2019 12:48 pm

I admire your strength.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** August 6, 2019 2:16 pm

OnMyOwnTwoFeet wrote:
Last night I told my husband I would like a divorce. Hard.

Deep breaths huh?
And what was his reaction?

**Posted by Rob** August 6, 2019 2:34 pm

OMOTF,

It is hard. Did you just ask politely? Any blow back?

My conversation was asking her "is this what you want". Clearly she wanted out of the marriage based on everything she was doing.

I will say they should not be surprised...it is pomp and circumstance. These spouses knew what they doing..knew how they were acting was hurting us...and they did it anyway.

Wishing you good thougths of strength, courage and stoicism.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** August 6, 2019 4:59 pm

OMOTF:
It took a lot of psychological work for you to reach the point of making that decision, and a lot of courage to tell him.
If my experience is applicable beyond my own situation, this is a tough and delicate time, right after you tell him that. He may try to suck you back in with whatever technique has worked for him in the past (with my ex it was "comfort me," as he is the master of appealing to my wanting to help him when he's feeling low). He may go on the offensive. You may also experience a reaction of your own to draw back, to take it back, because the prospect of divorce and living alone is scary.
It would be useful for you to develop some defensive techniques: don't let yourself get sucked in to talking about it, for example, but say something like "my mind's made up" or "the time for talking is over." You might also need someone you can call when you are feeling weak.
And if you haven't already, get to a lawyer ASAP.

**Posted by Whirligig** August 6, 2019 6:51 pm

I'm so sorry it was so hard. I know it hurts. You are always compassionate to others. Your kindness is always visible in your posts. I know how excruciating it is to cause someone you care about pain even if they aren't good to you or for you. I imagine you are experiencing all of that right now. I'm sorry for your pain. Thinking good thoughts for you as you keep working your way forward, however that path unfolds. Lots of hugs for you!

**Posted by OnMyOwnTwoFeet** August 12, 2019 11:04 pm

Thank you to all who gave me support last week. What a crazy week it has been. So much, so much, so much. My husband was surprised, but in some ways I wonder how he could have been. My kids have been upset, and a couple of them just really raging at me. My husband pleaded for reconciliation a few days later. A few days after that, he told our children about his same sex attraction. So now my "breathing" is like hyperventilating! But that first morning, when I created the OP, it was the first time I had felt peace in years. I was actually sleeping in! Although I was so exhausted. Now I am still exhausted!

I got through it, and I am not changing my mind, and I so so so much appreciate all the reading and commenting and help all these months. There is still a lot ahead for sure! So many stories to share, and so little time . . .

xoxo to all