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1 of 1- morpheus
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Re: Breathing
I'm just reading your message and sitting in silence. It had to be a very difficult choise to make, but, i think, it is the only way to get outside of nightmare.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Breathing
OnMyOwnTwoFeet wrote:
Last night I told my husband I would like a divorce. Hard.
Deep breaths huh?
And what was his reaction?
KIA KAHA
- Rob
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Re: Breathing
OMOTF,
It is hard. Did you just ask politely? Any blow back?
My conversation was asking her "is this what you want". Clearly she wanted out of the marriage based on everything she was doing.
I will say they should not be surprised...it is pomp and circumstance. These spouses knew what they doing..knew how they were acting was hurting us...and they did it anyway.
Wishing you good thougths of strength, courage and stoicism.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- MJM017
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Re: Breathing
My x tried to talk me out of it many times. It was hard but I stuck to my divorce plans. We have your back.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Breathing
OMOTF:
It took a lot of psychological work for you to reach the point of making that decision, and a lot of courage to tell him.
If my experience is applicable beyond my own situation, this is a tough and delicate time, right after you tell him that. He may try to suck you back in with whatever technique has worked for him in the past (with my ex it was "comfort me," as he is the master of appealing to my wanting to help him when he's feeling low). He may go on the offensive. You may also experience a reaction of your own to draw back, to take it back, because the prospect of divorce and living alone is scary.
It would be useful for you to develop some defensive techniques: don't let yourself get sucked in to talking about it, for example, but say something like "my mind's made up" or "the time for talking is over." You might also need someone you can call when you are feeling weak.
And if you haven't already, get to a lawyer ASAP.
- Whirligig
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Re: Breathing
I'm so sorry it was so hard. I know it hurts. You are always compassionate to others. Your kindness is always visible in your posts. I know how excruciating it is to cause someone you care about pain even if they aren't good to you or for you. I imagine you are experiencing all of that right now. I'm sorry for your pain. Thinking good thoughts for you as you keep working your way forward, however that path unfolds. Lots of hugs for you!
- MJM017
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Re: Breathing
OMOTF - This may not apply to you. If so ignore.
Make certain you have your financial information in order before you see a lawyer. Write down all identifying government numbers of your husband (In the US it's a social security number), scan a government id of your spouse -- a passport or driver's license, get a copy of your marriage license, get your tax statements for the last three years. Keep these in a safe place -- a safety deposit box in a bank, for example.
You may want to separate any joint bank accounts. Freeze join stock, retirement, credit card accounts asap. The spouse wanting to stay in the marriage can drain your fluid accounts and leave you with nothing. They can also go on a credit card spending spree, leaving you responsible for paying half of the credit card accounts at divorce time. Also freeze your credit reports. He can open new joint credit cards if he has your social security number.
When I was preparing for my divorce, I googled divorce and finances constantly My ex h was a spendthrift and would stop at nothing to get free money from me.
When it hits the fan, men can be brutal about finances. Don't accept his word. Get everything in writing.
Here's google search on the subject:
Last edited by MJM017 (August 7, 2019 5:57 pm)
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- OnMyOwnTwoFeet
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Re: Breathing
Thank you to all who gave me support last week. What a crazy week it has been. So much, so much, so much. My husband was surprised, but in some ways I wonder how he could have been. My kids have been upset, and a couple of them just really raging at me. My husband pleaded for reconciliation a few days later. A few days after that, he told our children about his same sex attraction. So now my "breathing" is like hyperventilating! But that first morning, when I created the OP, it was the first time I had felt peace in years. I was actually sleeping in! Although I was so exhausted. Now I am still exhausted!
I got through it, and I am not changing my mind, and I so so so much appreciate all the reading and commenting and help all these months. There is still a lot ahead for sure! So many stories to share, and so little time . . .
xoxo to all
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