Posted by taketwo  June 15, 2021 9:00 am | #1 |
I'm going to try and throw out some of my irrational fears.
First, I need an itemized list of them to put in the trash.
1. I'm not going to find someone that treats me better
Did he say that to me? Yes. Does he lie? Yes. Case closed. In the bin.
2. I'm making it all up in my head. This is my own nightmare.
Ok that is just crazy. Your eyes did not lie to you and your gut backed it up. Trash.
3. My life is forever ruined and tarnished by this.
This feeling has an expiration date. Just toss it out now.
4. Am I homophobic or a biggot now? I swear I wasn't before.
This weird resentment can make you feel that way. It's trash for sure.
5. People are going to view me differently now.
Most people don't remember that last tab they closed. We'll be ok.
6. I'm scared to go shopping in my little town now.
Yeah well you need a new pair of cute shoes and something nice to match them.
7. This makes me weaker.
Only if you let it keep you down. Only the Phoenix rises and does not descend.
8. I'm going to lose everything.
I think you might be more resourceful than that. Loss may happen and it sucks, but not everything will be lost.
9. What if they are right about my faults
They just used yours against you to cover theirs. Recycle this. We can work on our faults after some self love.
10. I'm too dependent.
Ok you know what, that might not be irrational. This is one I might need work on. Hard.
10.2 Is he wearing my clothes for other guys?
Ok completely irrational. There is no way he can fit into the crap you buy. It's cheap. It will split lol
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Posted by OutofHisCloset June 15, 2021 1:05 pm | #2 |
What a great strategy, to write down your fears, so you can see them in black and white, and then address each one.
I also had a lot of these fears, and before I got out on my own, I was only able to focus on what I was losing and what might go wrong. When I left, I was able to focus on what I was gaining, as well as the bad things I was "losing" (leaving behind). (Two more lists for you?) Also, it turns out that when I left I experienced a lot of kindness and help that I had neither counted on nor predicted might even happen to me.
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Posted by Upside June 16, 2021 2:29 pm | #3 |
Thank you for sharing this. Creating a tangible list of fears and how they are irrational is a clever idea.
One tactic I am finding helpful in my recovery is then trying to prove these beliefs wrong. As an example, your number 1 is "I'm never going to find someone that treats me better". What are tangible actions that can help you prove this wrong? Can you hop on a dating app and just talk to a few people and see how they treat you?
It may not be instant, but in a few weeks, I'd bet you can find a few people who are loving and caring in your life, highlighting how this is incorrect.
