OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / I am a straightspouse...this is MY Forum

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** July 1, 2020 2:36 pm

Early on in my joining SSN I asked whether any members show/had shown their partners, husbands, wives the Forum and was immediately accused of 'bringing' my own partner in (I hadn't, it was simply a question)

Then I learned of Sean's presence here. A presence welcomed, accepted, the members okay with a non-straightspouse being here as long as he was telling you what you wanted to hear. And that's fine. I didn't agree with it but nobody asked it I thought it was okay and there were many here appreciative of the advice of a gay man.

We had another partner of a straightsouse who joined I'm sure to do penance and face the Forum to tell his story, but he got shut down pretty fast.

Now we have a straightspouse on the MOM board asking everybody is it okay his lesbian wife can speak. I said I was against this. We're not called the Straightspouse Forum for nothing. Yes, I was the instigator of the MOM board, but I'm a straightspouse trying to untangle something that seems to want to never be UNtangled....*I* wanted to be the one to do it, without a non-straightspouse telling me how great their life was.
Now, for the lack of the words Straighspouses only who remain Committed...we have non-straights wanting to have their say, which some of you seem to think is okay....even though they have their own websites for couples (which I couldn't get into because there's just one of me apparently)

I did not want to invade anybody's thread. I wanted to just say this should always be what it started out to be...
....a Forum for Straightspouses

Elle

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** July 1, 2020 3:18 pm

I am in 100% agreement that this forum should be for straight spouses, and that goes for the MOM thread you instigated as well. Sean's thread was already long when I joined in August 2016. The other person who came on was a transitioning transwoman who came here seeking help convincing the wife it would be ok.

**Posted by Leslie77** July 1, 2020 4:56 pm

A non-straight spouse posting on any of these boards, to me, rings of the rationalization of "Well, let me tell you MY side of the story."

My STBXH had every opportunity, and moral obligation, to tell me HIS side of the story before we got married 10 years ago. He didn't.

He took from me my dignity, self-esteem, ability to trust others, sexual desire, and stole over a decade of my life. Worst of all, he exerted his "right" to be feminine, which in my opinion was mine and mine alone especially in what I expected to be a heterosexual relationship.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** July 1, 2020 6:08 pm

deleted (I misperceived a post)

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (July 1, 2020 6:09 pm)

**Posted by SusanneH** July 2, 2020 12:26 pm

I understand how you feel. More people approved of the wife coming here and answering our questions for her than disapproved. I personally have gotten a lot out of her posts.
I know this is for straight spouses, but if the majority agrees that one person can post certain things, than I think it should be all right, as long as it doesn't become something where they just post anything anywhere.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** July 2, 2020 1:42 pm

SusanneH,
I believe Phoenix made a ruling that Sean could post only in his thread, to contain his remarks and not trigger others who were not ready or willing to have a gay man posting.
Perhaps that what might be done again, and have the thread stay in the "committed to the MOM" section.

**Posted by Whirligig** July 2, 2020 2:33 pm

I think it's the only appropriate way to do it and even then I feel a little ambivalent. I found Sean self-important and a little patronizing but my objection was that by giving him a platform, his wife, the straight spouse had was robbed of possible support had she wanted or needed it. How safe would anyone feel to express their pain when the person who caused it was right there doling out advice? Dutchman and his wife are different obviously because they are happy but I think the point remains.

**Posted by lily** July 2, 2020 3:05 pm

Whirligig - that is a good point about Sean's wife losing access to the forum because of Sean being here. I thought it was good that he was restricted to his thread. I think we must also acknowledge how long that thread is - how many wives sought his advice.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** July 2, 2020 3:08 pm

SusanneH wrote:
........ More people approved of the wife coming here and answering our questions for her than disapproved.........

No. More members publicly posted their opinion and approval.

The lesbian wife doesn't, in my opinion, belong on the Straightspouse Forum just as I don't belong in any of the LGBTQ sites that are out there for her

Elle

**Posted by Lynne** July 2, 2020 9:22 pm

Delete.

Last edited by Lynne (September 7, 2020 10:04 am)