clueless70 wrote:
I am sorry PJ I did not mean to hijack your thread and I dont know how to move it.
Hey no sweat, Clueless. thanks for your story. It sounds like you are in a bad place. I see from your other post that you have spoken with a professional. This sounds wise - especially if you are feeling depressed or are thinking about harming yourself.
I have been mulling over seeing a therapist for a few months. In the end, I decided instead to discreetly meet with a "divorce coach". I was feeling kind of angry that my sense of personal responsibility was telling me that I should talk through my feelings before making any big decisions. (In the end, as I told the divorce coach, I decided that there is nothing wrong with me so why should I see a therapist? I don't seem to be suffering from the same level of despair as you are.)
It was really useful conversation and the coach put me in touch with a financial planner. It was great to clarify my feelings too - I told the divorce coach that *even if I am mistaken about my wife being lesbian*, my own feelings are that I should leave the marriage because I am not fulfilled in it. Reading your post again, I am struck by this sense that we share - we want them to tell the truth so we can move on. I have been thinking more recently that it really doesn't matter whether or not my wife is lesbian. The fact is that something is wrong and has always been wrong. Maybe we need to give ourselves permission to respect our own feelings.
One thing the coach recommended was to sit down and write an imaginary account of where your life will be in 1 year, 3 years, 10 years. Do this for both scenarios - leave the mariage, stay in the marriage.
Her blaming you for "making her lesbian" is absolutely outrageous, by the way. Don't tolerate that for a second.
Last edited by PJ (October 6, 2023 2:38 pm)