Soaplife: I never said anything about ADHD. Autism is something different. He would like to have an official diagnosis, we tried to find some options, but in our country it is only possible to diagnose autism in children. Adults are simply left to cope with it any way they can. It's sad.
I've met several people with NPD, I know the symptoms and (as much as my non-professional opinion is worth) this is not it, either.
I'm not so sure about BPD, but the only matching symptom seems to be the distorted sense of self.
Past trauma is the thing. He has a lots and lots of it.
I agree these things are not any kind of excuse.