Hi, I'm new to SSN. Finding community and discovering that I am not alone with a GIDXH empowers and comforts me. This topic is exactly where I'm at right now and I thank you all for sharing your insight and experiences. I'm 62, divorced for 2.5 years, we separated after 36 years of a difficult marriage. He is in his closet and I am in there with him. I did not want to 'out' him and thought that eventually he would speak his truth but he is not forthcoming.  
We have 3 adult sons who I want to tell and will. GIDXH has maintained that his sexuality (he says BI, I think G) is his business and he is oblivious to my situation and need for telling my story. After much discussion, he has finally agreed to tell our sons but on his terms and his timeline (in two months). I am tired of waiting, holding his secret, not being able to tell the truth to my kids and those close to me.
A major cause of the failure of our marriage was the X's obsession with his anal self-pleasure and insistence of my participation with what he called his 'fetish' when it was actually his lifestyle. He told me "this is who I am". There was gaslighting, emotionally abusive behavior, narcissism, and disrespect. I'll be working on my story to post in the next days. Thinking about memorializing my experiences is already triggering emotionally painful memories and headaches but it's part of the path to healing. I send love and strength to those dealing with this.