Posted by Lorii1969  January 17, 2019 6:30 am | #11 |
Leah your writing is amazing! I am so thankful that you are sharing.
Wishing you happiness!
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Posted by Baffled January 17, 2019 11:05 am | #12 |
Leah,
I also was married for 27 years before I found the courage to let go of my marriage. It took three years to finalize the divorce and within months my GX remarried a woman. It was a strange time and I think it is because one of the things I value as individual human being is the truth. Truth in the words we speak, the actions we take and thoughts that describe our very soul. It is a difficult realization when we are confronted with irrefutable evidence that not all human beings share one of our core values: honesty.
Most of us come here completely traumatized, feeling that society has no interest in hearing our story due to forced political correctness. Victims of trauma cannot heal until they can tell their story.
Clarity comes with time. All through the divorce my GX continued to reveal the layers of his personality he kept hidden under his sociopathic charm. The fact that he would remarry a woman just months after the divorce was final shows just how absent his moral values are. I am so thankful that such a corrupt, empty, self-serving individual is gone from my life. I am so grateful that what he is was revealed to me in irrefutable ways. I may have loved the man he pretended to be but, the man he really is, is completely unacceptable to me. I can pity the number two wife; she is most likely a co-dependent woman with self-esteem issues that make her the perfect pawn in his sick game. I was her once, now I am strong, courageous and willing to stand in my own power and take full responsibility for my life, my happiness, my health and my wealth!
It is interesting how much clarity straight spouses have regarding closeted homosexuals. We see the personality disorder similarities (narcissist/sociopath, compulsiveness, anxiety, depression, etc.). It is too bad society seeks to "normalize" their condition. I also find it interesting how most of them begin their "reveal" with the "just curious" to "I'm bi" to "I'm gay" type of journey. One of things I have had to do for my own recovery is to stand in my personal truth. It takes incredible courage; I had to learn it and so does someone who is hiding their sexuality behind someone else's pain.
Never feel silenced because you are a straight spouse in an insane world! Speak your truth; by casting light on a dark path, you help others who must travel the same road.
Great writing Leah!
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Posted by walkbymyself January 17, 2019 2:16 pm | #13 |
Leah, that was a beautifully written post.
I have haltingly started to write out my story, but it goes on for so many years and is so complex, I'm not sure if I'll ever have the courage to publish it. Plus there's no guarantee my story is as obsessively fascinating to others as it seems to be for me. (that was sarcasm) Kudos to you! If I ever do publish, I would have to do it under a pseudonym.
Relinquere fraudator, vitam lucrari.
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Posted by Roo January 17, 2019 5:37 pm | #14 |
Leah, thank you for writing that! I’ve already read it twice today. I wish I could put my feelings into words.
I’m not there yet, don’t know if I ever will be.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
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Posted by Leah January 21, 2019 7:09 am | #15 |
We all have a story to tell and I really feel it has been helpful for me to write this all out. An obsession with your own story WBM is fine! It is complex. I think it is a real struggle to get clarity after a lifetime of lies and deflection that made it feel like it was ME. That is the gaslighting. So write it out. Roo do try! Here in this forum is such a great place to do so and at the same time help shed light on the path that others share with you and they sometimes have insight that can help...not always, but sometimes. Best wishes and thanks for the encouragement. It feels good, but vulnerable too. A bit transgressive in a way, the shame covers me too. His shame, the sense of it being not my narrative, but IT IS and was MY life and has literally destroyed so much of my life and stolen my energy, so dammit I'm gonna scream and say yes it hurts, yes it isn't fair and I was injured by someone else's troubled journey. Their darkness does show us our light. And to be free of their darkness and lies is a blessing.
"Someone I loved once gave me a box of darkness, I didn't recognize it for the gift it was" - Mary Oliver RIP
Been here, wrote about it here
https://medium.com/@ModernAcu/hiding-from-your-straight-spouse-b787f13f6ff
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Posted by MMartin January 22, 2019 10:02 pm | #16 |
Leah, thanks for being brave, real, vulnerable, and for sharing with us.
I look forward to continue reading...
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