OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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1 of 1- phoenix
- Administrator
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Clarification of acceptable topics of discussion
Friends,
There has been some debate recently about what topics are acceptable to discuss on this forum.
In that past the consensus has been that we are not allowed to discuss topics related to homosexuality in general terms or related to people as groups. The reason for this is because there is a tendency for these topics to devolve into stereotyping and negativity, which can be viewed as hate. However, we feel that banning general conversation about homosexuality restricts our ability to fully understand and process our experiences.
At the top of nearly every page of the forum is an announcements header that begins with "Welcome to the new Straight Spouse Network Open Forum". In this header there are 3 bullet points that act as bylaws for forum use. We have adjusted the third bullet to encompass this topic. "Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful to other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
So, we are welcome to address general topics related to LGBT even if they involve some aspect of "grouping" people. However we must all agree to keep the conversations constructive, educational and respectful. Healthy debate is encouraged. You are allowed to have a difference of opinion and to express that, provided you respect that everyone else is allowed to have a different opinion. Conversations about groups of people that become hateful or degrading or insulting will not be tolerated. Any personal attacks or insults toward other members will not be tolerated.
Please remember that this is a support group. We are here to help each other survive and then heal from the experience of having a gay spouse. All of us have been through excruciating pain. Please go out of your way to be supportive and polite and compassionate to each other. Remember how you felt during those first days and assume that you are talking to someone who is in that same state of mind. Be extra kind in your choice of words and go to great lengths to avoid any confusion or possible insult being taken.
Any questions or concerns are welcome here in replies.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- phoenix
- Administrator
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Re: Clarification of acceptable topics of discussion
Great question Ynadin.
Put simply: Admins make the call, but feedback from any and all members is welcome, with private message being the preferred method of providing such feedback.
Sam, (the admin), and myself (the assistant admin), are ultimately responsible for making sure the tone of the forum remains healthy and supportive. We will continue to monitor topics of discussion, and if we deem them to be out of line we have the responsibility to bring things back on track. The admins will make these decisions.
While it is not the role of any individual member to rule on any certain topic, you are always welcome to reach out to myself or to Sam if you feel something is out of line. I'm prone to error and often miss some perspectives that others have. I might think something is OK, but perhaps haven't considered all angles, and someone else might offer a different perspective. I welcome this feedback.
I believe everyone here has good intentions and will make good judgments about what they post. What is harder to control is how the group dynamic can change the conversations. When we have issues, it is typically these unpredictable tangents that get testy or controntational and not the original post.
If you find a study or article or television show excerpt that you feel is educational and constructive, please feel free to post it. If another forum member has a different perspective, they are welcome to share respectfully or to contact an admin and share that concern. If the admin deems that action needs to be taken, it will be done without public shaming.
I appreciate the compliment you pay me about not shaming members. When I have to act in the capacity of an admin or moderator I always take great care not to single out someone in a negative way. If some form of admonishment is needed I do so via private message.
This forum is different than most. We aren't here to discuss a hobby or politics or other small topics. We are more like an intensive care unit at a hospital. We are badly damaged and emotionally raw and come here for help and support in the worst days of our lives. For some, this is the only place we have to find support and help. I firmly believe this forum saves lives, and i don't mean that as a figure of speech. We can't risk being responsibe for driving away someone in dire straights from the only help they have available. In this environment we must wear kid gloves when we interact with each other. We do so with love and compassion and go the extra mile to avoid any offense.
Last edited by phoenix (September 12, 2017 5:00 pm)
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
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