I'm finally in my own apartment, it's been a week, but the shame and embarrassment is killing me. I act strong for my family and friends but it hurts badly. How can someone you've known for 30 plus years change so drastically in one year. He had 3 major life changes, he retired from the military, after a stellar military career, he was terminated from his first job after the military, which he took really hard, even though he did a great job and it was his supervisor who was unethical and jealous of him, that wanted him terminated and he lost a close family member to cancer, which sent him over the edge.
 On our anniversary last September, while I was in Florida taking care of my sick father, which he encouraged me to do, he came to Florida and told me he needs to be happy and if I can't move pass his past indiscretions (with women) and all our problems (which stems from him cheating ) then he has to move on. He even mention something about maybe we need to be in an open relationship (which he recently denied saying).  He left me in Florida after 2 days, saying he had things to do. After that our 28 year marriage went down hill so fast that I'm still wondering what happened.  The person who said he would never leave me has left. I started questioning his sexuality when I noticed that all he wanted to do was hang out with his male friends. In his phone, he had a man's name under a fake name that he couldn't explain why he did that and he just seemed to have a new life with new friends, all men, that I wasn't privy to meet. I think he even fell in love with a man at work.  I remember him drinking heavily once and asking me did he tell me about his friend at work and he's not feeling well and he was going to visit him in the hospital. This guy all of a sudden was all he could talk about, well when the guy quit and he found out he wasn't what he thought he was, he denied telling me that they were close friends, as though I hadn't observed his behavior and heard him talk about this guy everyday.  He would get off work at 530 and he would come home anytime he wanted; his excuse is as long as he's not staying out over night, he's not being disrespectful. He was in the military for 32 years so he never really had to account for his time and now that he's retired and couldn't just do want he wanted to, he just couldn't deal with having to tell me about his whereabouts.  It's been a year of hell. He used work as an excuse not to be home, (no one can be that busy). He went on a trip to New York with his friends (who I believe are all married GID men). He has a good friend who we he have known for years, that we both said he's suspect. The guy moved 5 minutes away from us and he claim, he didn't know and they hadn't talked, yet his sister told me he talk to the guy all the time. The lies are unbearable. He gets upset being around really feminine men, if they are serving us in restaurants. He's very secretive, calculating and cold but in front of others he's really nice and personable.  I asked him if he was struggling with his sexuality and he was so upset with me, he said he'll never forgive me for saying that and he said "they" said you were going to say that, when I asked him who's "they", he said he meant his friend that going through a divorce, he did mean "they".  So I'm wondering if he has a group of friends that are also closeted men who are helping him keep his secret.  A couple of months we were at the airport, and I sure the taxi driver recognized him, after he dropped us home, 5 minutes later, my husband had to go to the store.  I look back to see if I missed any signs. Well I remember when we were much younger, he said a friend took him to a party where there were all men and he left.  When he was stationed overseas, he talked shit about this guy being gay and messing with the locals, but would hang out over his house.  He even told me that one day when he was over there his back went out for no reason and the guy had to help him home. I see other men looking at him. I remember accusing him of looking at this woman; but now I think back, it could have been her boyfriend he was looking at.  It's like he can't be around me anymore because I'm figuring out his secret and he will never, ever admit to it.  One of his family members told me they were surprised when he got married because they always thought he was gay.  Before I moved out, there was a period where he was sick and I started wondering could he have contracted HIV.  He complained of nausea, headaches, diarrhea and he said his whole body hurt.  Recently, he had a very bad cold and he seems to have a cough all the time.  There are times I feel sorry for him because I do love him and if he is, I would want him to live his authentic self and I want him to be healthy so we can have a relationship that still focus on our grown children and grandchildren.  Sometimes I think I have imagined all of the signs and I'm reading too much into this, it's really been an emotional rollercoaster and his behavior has been so disrespectful. Why can't he feel the pain he's causing me?  A couple of months ago, he accidently sent a group text to me and our sons of a man's location near his workplace.  I asked him who's the guy, he said someone we used to be stationed with but he accidently hit his contact information. I asked if the guy was in town, he said no, he hadn't seen him in years, he just accidently hit his contact information.  I looked up the name on FB and saw that there was someone, with that name, same age as my husband and was gay.  I contacted him and he denied knowing him but that evening my husband came home pacing back and forth, he went outside and made a phone call and I guess when he saw I didn't have any real proof, his secret was safe once again. It's been hell!  Since I moved out, he's been a lot nicer and has tried to help me get settled in my new life.  I text him last night because I can't believe I'm living on my own and asked him to please tell me what happened.  He didn't answer. Anyone had similar experiences before I go crazy.