kamz7,

Most offer a free consultation when you contact them....some say a half hour.     I can tell you I went to one while still in shock/tears.    This one did say at one point  I needed some mental help  (do you think?).    But what put me off about this one was;
1.) No genuine empathy..really cold about my situation ..  Not that one should look for mental help or empathy from a lawyer..they are too expensive for that.   
2.) I sensed dis-interest...like it was just another divorce and this lawyer seemed bored explaining the process to me.  Seemed in a rush to get me out of the office.

What I liked about mine  (and in the end worth every penny..every damn penny).
1.)  Showed me a lot of time.on my inital interview..was not in a rush to get me out of the office.
2.) Was not bored about explaining any question to me.
3.)  Most important;  seemed very up on divorce and the laws in my state.    Specialized in divorce and in answering my questions seemed like like he and the firm were experienced.

4.) As it turned out; very good at a high conflict divorce from a narcissist...not sure if this was luck...I could tell from the interview he had a lot of experience.   Also see below 5.
5.)  This lawyer replied to my email/texts  even though I had not retained/hired him yet.   ie.. She's threatening to kick me out what should I do ? 

So go with your gut when talking to them... do you sense any dis-interest?  Ask if they have experience with a high conflict/divorcing a narcissist... Maybe  send a text or email afterwards and see if they answer it.. 

Also ...don't doubt yourself..   Your visiting a lawyer is pomp and circumstance.   Our spouses chose long ago ...it is an emergency and you hire the right people to help you and the kids.

A kind e-hug  (virtual but authentic)

 

Good info from Rob. 

I wound up representing myself and using a professional mediator to settle the few disagreements we had left.  But I think I was a rare case in that I felt confident that I could keep things civil and agreeable and I had an ex who was not greedy and trying to take more than what was fair.  

I did however, consult a few attorneys before going through the process and I can share what I felt were good signs. 

1.)  Showed genuine sympathy and compassion for me and my kids..  I had one lady who changed the topic a few times to ask how my kids were doing and how I was doing emotionally.  That showed me that she genuinely cared about me as a person and had the best interest of my kids at heart. 
2.)  Willing to stay in touch without being paid a retainer.  Same lady as above, she gave me her email address and asked me to keep in touch.  I did send her two quick follow-up questions later on and she answered them willingly with no mention of being paid a retainer, etc.. 
3.)  Experience / familiarity with the judges and child services.  The same lady.. she talked about the judge and friend of the court as though she was friends with them.  If I'm going into court, I'd like to have a lawyer who is on good terms with the judge and FOC. 
4.)  Transparent about billing/fees.  This lady was a little more expensive on a per hour basis, but she was extremely transparent about the retainer and billing process and suggested that if money was going to be tight that I let her know ahead of time what the limit would be so that she could do her best to work within that amount.  I didn't get the impression that she was going to bill me a 1/4 hour for every single email sent.  She also mentioned that she had some aids that worked in the office that she delegated some of the easier tasks so that she didn't have to bill as much for that time.  
5.)  TRUST..   ultimately it just comes down to trust.  Who do you think is going to fight for you and win and do so without just trying to bill you as much as possible..   that's the one you hire. 


If you want to talk about the idea of doing an "amicable" divorce and going through mediation I can help and give you a lot of advice.   But given the tone of your initial post I don't get the feeling that the trust level is high between you and your spouse, so I doubt that it would work out well.  Still though.. happy to offer the advice if you wish. 
 

I was lucky enough to have a recommendation for a lawyer and she was very well respected in the family courts and I think that helped.  

I was also given a piece of advice - family courts are full of couples going bankrupt fighting over the divorce.

When my ex was threatening to bog down and not reach an agreement over the financial settlement I reminded him that we didn't have enough money to go and fight it out in court.

It took a while, and an extra round of lawyers fees, but the simple logic - fighting costs an awful lot of money out of my pocket - won out in the end.  

wishing you all the best.

I realised that I was divorcing a different man from the one I married. So my first priority was to get a lawyer who would be able to help me fight when I might not be able to or might not want to fight.  

She had empathy with my situation and immediately responded to the well being of my kids.  She put me up with a good child therapist and we only proceeded with the divorce terms once she was sure the kids would have been safe with my now XGIDH.

Thus:  I had an empathetic, experienced, strategic and no nonsense lawyer.  
I felt prepared & confident through out this whole divorce experience even though I had no clue what I was doing.