I don't know about anyone else's feelings, but when I see a transwoman my blood boils and I just want to get away.  This happens despite my understanding of gender dysphoria, despite my sympathy for how awful it is not to feel at home in one's body, despite my belief trans people should not face discrimination in housing, jobs, etc.
     Like you, I've always been liberal, tolerant, pro-GLBT rights.  But ever since this experience with my husband wanting to be a woman, and living with the particulars of it, I want nothing to do with anything trans.  I'd be happy never to hear the word again, or to ever again be in a situation or place in which I hear, see, or have anything to do with anything trans.  I suspect we associate our private pain with the general state, and when we heal it'll cease to have power over us.  That's my hope, anyway.

If you have an accident near fire and get burned you will naturally have a fear of flames. 
If you fall from great height (and survive) don't be surprised if you develop a new fear of heights. 
Get stung by a bee and you'll be a bit leery of being close to them afterwards. 

Devote your life to someone and have them destroy you because they are gay.. don't be surprised if seeing and being around gay people is difficult because of the pain it represents.  This doesn't mean you hate them or will do anything rude to them, but it should be no surprise that you have some emotions that are hard to deal with. 


My personal observations are interesting to me.  I'm even more comfortable around my gay friends than I ever was before, but I'm less comfortable with LGBT as a "group" or a "topic" or a "movement".  My discomfort is on the whole, but it doesn't translate to a specific individual. 

I'm sorry to say it, but I'm glad to see many of you have more trouble than I do with this, though please don't think I do not empathize with what every one of you have said..  I guess I shouldn't feel guilty about it.

The weirdness of it for me comes from the idea that if she left me for a man, would I have trouble being around other men?  I don't think so.  I also don't have trouble with gay men, I suppose since they had nothing to do with my situation.  

It's strange.  Of course, I love to be around straight women, but it doesn't take much to set off my "lesbian gaydar" anymore.  If I see a woman laugh with another woman for too long of a time, I start to assume they're lesbians.  Certain haircuts, which might not be fair, but could be accurate indicators.  I may be being too honest, but I think that is best.  

Thanks for all your comments.  They are awesome and very helpful.

 

Last edited by Mirky (July 5, 2017 1:23 am)

I'm glad this topic was brought up.
I felt horrible that my views on gays in general had changed. I to am very equal rights. Love who you want to love be who you are but since my wife came out my views have changed. I can't help but see them as evil, manipulative liars.
Before anybody says anything yes I know this is irrational and you can't blame all gays for the actions of one. Like what was already said you get burned and your a little more cautious around fire. I see it as part of our survival instincts. Once you get hurt by something you become much more aware of it and it can take on a negative meaning. It gets added to our survival watch list is the best way I can describe it.
Again I am happy this topic was brought up.

I completely understand. I find I am that way with gay men. Although I don't have a problem with lesbians. I do hope my feelings toward gay men change as I continue to heal. I think it is part of the process for me.