OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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- Sugar Magnolia
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Re: The Most Difficult Choice I've Ever Made
Thank you, Rob! You are so right about being better off without all of this. Reading your story it sounds like you were treated pretty badly and I'm sorry you had to go through that in addition to all of the confusion.
One thing I've always enjoyed about your comments on this forum is the admission that as a straight man, you have absolutely no desire to seek out and watch gay porn. It's such a simple truth. It's almost humorous that someone would even need to clarify this point. We all probably know this. But sometimes the reassurance is needed.
Thanks again for your message.
- Scrupulous
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Re: The Most Difficult Choice I've Ever Made
Sugar I'm crying for you right now. I can see how you feel 10 years have been stolen from you and I identify with it feeling like you are mourning a death. However from my experience of both sides, this is far much worse. Death is a loss. You realize you want see the person again and there's alot of emotions and sadness that go with it.
But this is more like a reacurring loss and beating at the same time. It beats on your mind, body, spirit...everything. And all the feelings that go with this, such as rage, denial, guilt, anger, sadness, pain, hate, remorse, etc.. resurface and switch each time you have to deal with these people and anyone associated with them.
But remember this. Everytime you take this beating and get back up it will make you stronger and more firm in your convictions.
Hang in there. You deserve more!
Life is like phases of the moon.... We really only see it when it's beautiful, full and in our face.
- Sugar Magnolia
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Re: The Most Difficult Choice I've Ever Made
Thank you Scrupulous! You are absolutely right. Any time I get depressed and think I've made the wrong decision, I force myself to think of the frequency and tenor of the ads and email exchanges. They are more honest with total strangers than they are with us. And the experiences of everyone here reminds me how futile any efforts towards reconciliation would be, no matter which flavor of LGBTQ it is.
It's been difficult processing all of this when I've always been pretty open minded about sexual orientation. When it breaks your hetero-relationship, I find myself getting angry. I've probably said things about the LGBTQ lifestyle that would offend some people. I don't mean them. I'm confused and heartbroken and I need to realize that it's not really about the orientation, but the treatment of the straight partner that is the issue here. Realizing that a large part of your life has been a facade is so hard to accept.
I'm sorry you've had to find your way here, too. I really am.
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Thread Starter- Foolme
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Re: The Most Difficult Choice I've Ever Made
Sugar don't feel bad about "bashing" the LGBTQ community, I think in our situations it's quite normal to resent them somewhat, it's not the lifestyle or individual people, it's just a reaction to the trauma we've been dealt. One daughter & myself have spoken about becoming a little more homophobic, but we realise it's not homophobic per se, that's just the word we use, it's more just whenever we hear about something gay related we're like ENOUGH ALREADY, GIVE US A FREAKING BREAK. I've no issue with gay people, HONEST gay people that is, it's the dishonesty, disrespect and disloyalty I've the problem with, but the fact that GAY is thrown in the mix it's convenient to have it as the focus of your disgust when in actual fact that's not really our target.
I attend a support group for straight spouses, the two facilitators are gay men & they said when setting up the group they feared they'd be resented for being gay & they expected the attendees to possibly have some issues with them. We assured them we didn't have issues with them but there definitely is some resentment of the LGBTQ community in general, I'm sure in time this will reduce and we'll get to be more balanced
Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves