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1 - Bec
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I did it
I told my GID husband that I wanted a divorce tonight. He looked right at me and said that he want willing Tipp accept it. We haven't tried hard enough yet. He's just learning to show me attention and affection. He's not willing to give up. He's not sexually attracted to men. It's a porn addiction and he's done.
It's exhausting. I just kept telling him that I believe he is sexually attracted to men and I don't believe that changes. He is asking me to go back to the councillor. I have to get over making him ok with this.
- Rob
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Re: I did it
Bec,
Strong of you. Im not sure what these spouses expect. I cant say I looked at porn when married but yours was looking at male porn which , I will repeat so you don';t doubt, is not not normal. If you put a gun to my head I would not want to watch male porn. Add to that cruel withholding of affection and covert secrecy make others more important than us and there is not much left of the marriage.
My ex did not want the marriage and had clearly decided, based on her blatant cheating, that we would divorce. I was gathering strength and was going to file but she , in her hatred, was quick to file first...
But even though she filed first , and Kel will be proud of me, I said it first... When she waltzed in at 2am i
simple told her; I will not do this.. I will not...
The next day she was telling ME to leave and that the I could not live there, I said ne simple word of "NO" and it was like how dare I.. I'm not sure what these spouses expect..contacted my lawyer who told me to stay and that was it....the incarnation of satan on earth and my time in hell.
The reality is , for me anyway, the divorce was just pomp and circumstance. My ex was cheating and there was already no affection and no speaking to each other.. We both had lawyers.. There was already gay sex toys arriving at the house (its my house ..you are garbage and count for nothing).. No the marriage was over the day she cheated in a hotel room and began her discrard of me. These spouses had every opportunity to choose and change.. Saying they will change when we are at the end of our rope already abused is really too late.
What proofs is your husband offering ? and "counseling" does not count. How can he change to offset
years of secrets and neglect? If he goes out with a guy friend for a beer how can he prove that it is not a date? There really are no take backs with TGT and I'm baffled how these spouses think there are... its different if they were cheating with a woman and they could assure you they are no befriending any woman etc... No its totally demeaning these spouses saying.." I am allowed to have sex with both male and female..the entire planet over you and you'll just have to keep guessing which it is and who I'm with"
No...I don't think so..I will not..
Last edited by Rob (May 29, 2017 8:18 am)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Foolme
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Re: I did it
Good for you Bec, it's definitely the right thing for you. If you need find your own counsellor and go alone if you need that, you definitely don't need to go along with him to the old one anymore.
Stay strong!
Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
- Dee
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Re: I did it
Stay the course Bec, you're that much closer to getting off the hamster wheel of crazy!
- Daryl
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Re: I did it
It doesn't matter if he accepts it or not. You don't owe him any particular amount of trying or seeing of counselors. If you say you're done - you're done! He can stick his fingers in his ears and shout "la, la, la I can't hear you!" It doesn't matter. Let your lawyer call the plays from here.
Good luck 
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- Bec
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Re: I did it
No he's a bit smarter than that. He calls my pastor. Just spent an hour talking with my pastor and another woman from our life group. I need to have faith that God can change this. He wants to fight, you just brought us into this fight don't give up now...
I'm exhausted!
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Thread Starter- OutofHisCloset
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Re: I did it
Your pastor and the woman from the "life group" are more interested in their own ideas of how wives "should" act than in your well-being and health. You need to find another church in which a woman isn't expected to "forgive" her husband just because he's the husband. There are a number of religious people on this forum who will all tell you that it is not your job to subordinate your own health and wellbeing to his behavior just because he's the husband. And there are many churches and pastors out there who will/would would support you. I think you need to find one.
- Kel
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Re: I did it
Great job, Bec! I know how hard that was to say. And I also know that for you to say something so hard, you REALLY meant it.
I swear once that first "I want out" conversation is blurted out, it gets easier. Because the *horrible thing* has been said. Everything else is just reinforcing it, not getting up the nerve to say it for the first time.
You don't need his acceptance. He is using verbiage that is designed to trigger a response in you. He knows that if he can equate you wanting to walk away as being you "giving up", he might be able to get you to buy into giving him more time because you'll be afraid to lose at being strong. He's trying to make you feel like doing anything but staying in the marriage is weak. And people don't want to be weak. So you'll keep at the marriage in order to prove your strength. Only.... you don't need to. Doing what you believe needs to be done (and doing it despite it being difficult & scary) is strength. And it matters not if anyone agrees with you.
He knows that you can't prove what's going on in his mind. Which means that when you give him the reason that he's attracted to men, all he has to do is deny and deflect. Stop giving him that reason. YOU know the reason. Start telling him that the reason is that he's broken your trust to the point that it can never be recovered. He'll try to say to let him try to earn it back. Tell him that's already been tried repeatedly, and it's failed. Whether he knew it at the time or not, he was given many chances, and failed them. You are done. It's not up for debate. It's not your intent to hurt him. But you.are.DONE.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Bec
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Re: I did it
Not saying they were saying it but it felt like if you decide to quit then you don't have faith.
The fundamental difference that we have is they believe that God will take those desires Away and make him desire me. I don't.
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