Thank you Phoenix for the response. I have just tried to cope alone. It has been unbearable. Fortunately, I brought myself to confide in a friend and I'm gradually processing my thoughts. Pregnancy has its own ups and downs so my emotions aren't  quite as stable as usual. But in addition to my husband coming out lesbian, he has made an extra effort to tell me how much he loves me and is very verbally affectionate. This is making matters much worse for me, because I just want it to end. I just want to co-parent for now, I already sleep in a different room. Then deal with separation after the baby is born. I haven't discussed with him because I'm sure I will then have to immediately deal with lawyers and court, and I simply can't handle that now. I am just trying to focus on having a healthy baby, taking my prenatals, performing at my job and being a good mom to my son. I don't want to deal with anything else, but I know I will have to during maternity leave. Thank you for the support. I've never needed more help in my life. I'm not a big into counseling, but I did try. Two different ones in fact. One told me I wasn't empathetic enough to my husbands needs. The other one told me that my husband is just on the spectrum. It's no different than a woman wanting to wear men's boxers to bed or look sexy in a mans tie. To me the difference is that the woman is turning on the guy, in my case I'm repelled and terrified.

And..sry again, my husband has also threatened to take his own life if I tell anyone. That it is our secret. But I wish I knew nothing about this secret and he tells me that he thought that I loved him and could tell me anything...anyway, it's so freakin messed up!

Dear Secretly,
   After reading Katie's update this morning, and now your post, I was so consumed with anger I had to go out to the garden and weed because I needed to rip something out by the roots!
   What supreme selfishness your husband is exhibiting: suddenly deciding he is a woman and is entitled to your support--including your clothes!--and your silence, while you continue to parent while also pregnant.  Add to that his feeling that his threat of suicide, and you get another layer of entitlement: as if he feels he's entitled to his entitlement; the layers of selfishness compound like some kind of perverse interest.  
   First things first:  
     He is using that threat of suicide to manipulate you into doing what he wants.  Call him on that.  His suicide threat should be countered with your telling him he needs to see a therapist.  And don't feel pressured or guilty: that's what he wants you to feel so you will do what he wants.  But it's not your job to keep him from killing himself, and indeed, you can't.  The decision to commit suicide is always made by the person who commits it. 
    Tell your husband that your clothes are off limits to him, and set limits on where and when he wears his girl garb.  You live in the house and it's your household as well; he doesn't unilaterally get to take it over or make the decisions.  If you don't want your child to see him all dolled up, tell him to confine his experiments to the room where he sleeps or times you and the children are not at home.  If you don't set clear limits, he will push the boundary farther and farther.
   Get another counselor or therapist, one who is concerned to support you, not to hector you into support and acceptance.  They ARE out there.   You can ask if they have experience with autogynephilia (men who derive sexual pleasure from feminizing themselves).   
  I know you want to just get through the pregnancy and with a healthy baby but please think about getting out of the situation if you possibly can.  Because the amount of stress you're under can have consequences for the health of your fetus, your baby later in life, and for the course of your pregnancy, at the very least you need to confide in your OB/GYN, so your doctor can monitor you and help you with coping strategies.  
    
   

SecretlySuffering wrote:

And..sry again, my husband has also threatened to take his own life if I tell anyone. That it is our secret.

This is a really low blow. Huge Narcissist red flag. Please go see a psychologist who can help you deal with a person like this. To my recollection, the best way to deal with any threat/mention of suicide is to walk away and call 911. Let them understand you take that $#it seriously.
 

Wow, thanks OutOfHisCloset. I had no idea about the sexual disorder description. It is exactly him. He doesn't need me to have sex and in fact he can't even get arosed by me. Which is perfectly fine with me now, but had been tough over the past year since I've never had that experience. I have always tried to stay in shape, working out frequently, of all my adult years I've never had disinterest from men. So this past year has been shocking for me. I know it's not me, but believe me, I have blamed myself.

I have drawn the line with him on my stuff and he was angry with me, saying I should share with him. He was upset that he had to buy his own stuff from amazon. We now get weekly amazon packages to support his habits. I also told him he is never to do this when are children are home and he is in agreement. He hides out in our walkin closet, dresses up and has a suitcase of vibrators and other toys. I don't ask and I don't want to know. It would be great to get him out of the house, which I would do immediately if I were not pregnant. But I fear that starting that discussion now will result in a huge court battle which I cannot handle. So we currently are nice to each other and stay in our own separate areas.

I have no desire to spread ugly information about my husband to hurt him. He is the father of my kids and I don't want people to know any details. So this site is really helpful as are the two friends I have confided in. Thank you again