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- OutofHisCloset
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Re: This is way too much for me to handle.
Katie,
What you said about miscarriages being funerals attended only by the mother? Heart-rending and heart-rendingly true. And that you would have to endure the insult of feeling his falsies against your own aching breasts makes me want to come slap your husband upside the head--or worse.
What you observe about him, that emotional distance? That's because he is so self-involved with his own fantasy that he can't see beyond the curve of his own padded bra. Your observation about his cold response to your agony and anxiety is a moment of clarity; put it together with your love for your daughter, and use those to power your escape.
- phoenix
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Re: This is way too much for me to handle.
Katie,
We all love you and are here for you in whatever capacity we can.
I'll be praying for your and thinking about you.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: This is way too much for me to handle.
Katie,
Your situation is very much at the forefront of my mind this morning. And I realize that although I've given you sympathy, I haven't been thinking about how you can better your situation. One way to do that would be to set some limits on your husband's wearing of clothes in your presence and stop the insult of his pressing his falsies against your own pregnancy tender breasts. Why should he be the one setting the parameters and limits? And if he isn't willing to deal, if he insists he will do as he wants, tell him to do it somewhere else. Let HIM be the one to leave; his actions are responsible and he has changed the terms of the marriage. (This would be true even if you weren't feeling censorious about his desire to be a woman.) He will act to the limit of your boundaries, so you need to establish for yourself what they are and then set them out for him. And be willing to act.
You must also ask yourself: Are you willing to be hurt on a daily basis in hopes he will come to his senses? Because he won't. That is denial and bargaining and grief at work, but you must let that go.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (May 25, 2017 9:35 am)
- Katie62
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Re: This is way too much for me to handle.
The confirmation that I was having a miscarriage came about an hour before my therapist appointment. I cried during most of my therapy. My therapist also agreed that firm boundaries need to be made and a hard discussion of how his support during this last week has been absent which has further contributed to my torment. That night we talked. And while things are definitely very much unresolved, we reestablished a connection that has felt very severed.
Now I am on a family trip with his sisters and their kids and father. Generally I'd be rolling my eyes having to share a roof with so many people... But I realize, family vacations are the only time he dresses and acts like a man.
As for now I am going to enjoy watching my daughter play with her cousins and relish seeing him as a man 100%. One day if I stay or if I go... I truly believe he will transition... I just don't know if I can stay and watch....
Thank you all for your support and energy. I know we all find ourselves here and it's not where we want to be.. But at least together we feel a little bit stronger... And I can tell you first hand.. just hearing your responses, your genuine consideration and empathy, it really really contributed to my ability to make it one day at a time. Thank you each again.
- •
Thread Starter- OutofHisCloset
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Re: This is way too much for me to handle.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Katie.
- Kel
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Re: This is way too much for me to handle.
I'm so sorry, Katie. Big hugs from me.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Tamiam
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Re: This is way too much for me to handle.
Katie, I'm so sorry for your loss. Know that you are heard here. Keep posting when you can.
Keeping you in prayer.
- Duped
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Re: This is way too much for me to handle.
I'm so sorry for your loss Katie, you are in my thoughts.
- Bec
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Re: This is way too much for me to handle.
My heart is breaking for you Katie. I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying that you will feel God's comfort.
- Dee
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Re: This is way too much for me to handle.
Keeping you in my prayers Katie, so sorry for your loss.