OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
1 of 1- Rob
- Member
Offline 
My name...what was my name..
Years ago when TGT hit me I felt so abandoned by my then wife I had changed my user name here to Forsaken. I had felt for forsaken on many levels...by my wife, my god etc. Kel here, on the board (and realistic as ever) was quick to point out that that was not my name nor was it who I was. Who was I ... that I didn't remember since giving all of myself to my wife.
Im reading a christian book..John Eldredge's Wild at Heart. It 's mainly geared toward men but whether you have faith or not he points out some obvious things we've forgotten. One of them is that our fathers/parents gave us a name ..one of the the best things you can give your children is a name. My mother and father certainly didn't name me "Forsaken". They did not name me "straight spouse".
TGT certainly makes us question who our spouse is...but also who we are. In my case my now ex was definitely going to leave me...how did i know?..her new phone email was her maiden name. She obviously, in her hatred of me, decided that I had taken her name and everything else from her ..her sexuality too I guess. Why marry me then and take my surname? Why pray with me? etc etc..
Similarly though I can see completely if your gay husband is abusing you leaving him and rightly taking back your name...the name your parents gave you. I still take some comfort in knowing I gave my kids names (and surnames) in honesty and love that they can carry with them for the rest of our lives. Their names represent honest and good intentions that they can be proud of. So too...we forget..are our names were given to us.
May we all find some comfort in our name.
I'll close with a movie quote from Gladiator that he uses in the book. (I choose the next)
Commodus: Rise. Rise.[Maximus stands up, clenching an arrow head in his right hand]
Commodus: Your fame is well deserved, Spaniard. I don't think there's ever been a gladiator to match you. As for this young man, he insists you are Hector reborn. Or was it Hercules? Why doesn't the hero reveal himself and tell us all your real name? (Maximus is slient.) You do have a name.
Maximus: My name is Gladiator. [He turns away from Commodus]
Commodus: How dare you show your back to me! Slave, you will remove your helmet and tell me your name.
Maximus: [Slowly very slowly he lifts his helmet and turns around to face Commodus]
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius;
Commander of the Armies of the North;
General of the Felix Legions;
loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius;
father to a murdered son;
husband to a murdered wife;
And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
Last edited by Rob (May 9, 2017 6:50 am)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Lake Breeze
- Member
Offline
Re: My name...what was my name..
Rob - A very thought provoking read. Thanks for posting your thoughts about this. It made me remember Bryon also who used to post regularly. He always signed off with a line from the Crucible, something about "leave me my name". That all else had been taken from him, but there was a plea to at least keep his name. I have never thought about names in quite this way before and it is illuminating.
"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" - Sir Walter Scott
- Mrs Lonely
- Member
Offline
Re: My name...what was my name..
I agree, very thoughtful read. Thank you Rob.
When you say that your wife took back her maiden name, it made me think about something I did that I did not give much thought to. I also used my maiden name to set up my new e-mail account. But long before that, when someone would ask me what my name is and I had to respond quickly without even thinking I would use my maiden name. I didn't understand why I was doing that and it used to frustrate me since I became accustomed to my new surname. This now raise some questions to me of what my mind was trying to do even before I discovered TGT...
Thank you