Hi Lyonene
Your story echoes so many of my soon to-be ex GID's story.  He admitted to being addicted to porn, but denies that it is gay porn.  Says it is pop up links that he followed, but the next moment admits that he was looking at the penises as to see if he is big enough.  Haha.  You have to look day in and day out at five different sites to see how yours compares to others?   
He also tries to blame it on me.  I have too strong a personality, question his decisions and that it makes him feel a lesser man.  Okay, so why haven't you mentioned that to me once in the last 5 to 7 years that we are together?  Why did you have to turn to gay porn to make you feel like a man?  
Like you I also had to ask myself is this the kind of man that I want to be with.  Because the man I married is not the one standing in front of me every day now.  He manipulates, lies, cheats, do whatever necessary to protect his image.  He watched me suffer this last couple of years and did nothing.  Only now that he is about to loose everything, and I mean everything since I am the financial stronger one & taking the kids with me, he is willing to do something.  And I mean something, since he is doing the minimum to fight for this marriage.  He sees people not understanding our break up over a few lies and still does not explain to them the real reason why we are divorcing.  And that is how I know he doesn't really care about me.  I am just the keeper of his closet. He will stay in that damn thing till the day he dies. But I am leaving this dark, forsaken, stuffy, frustrating, pain filled closet for the light.  And I am taking my kids with me.  Because they deserve better than this.  They need to grow up as strong, independent and happy children and I cannot provide that with a partner that is hiding addictions and pretend to be someone he is not.  I agree with Kel, the younger the  children the easier they adapt to their circumstances.  It is better for them to live a true, stable life than being part of a fantasy world that can fall apart easy.  I am still worried about my kids and I take them to a therapist now. She is so amazing.  they learn the kids to be "boss of their own emotions and make clever plans to keep their hearts happy".  She helps them how to deal with fear, loss and sadness.  If you have someone like that available, do take them.  It is short, playful sessions and they learn all within a few sessions.  what is great is that my company is now paying for these sessions as one of my benefits.

I wish you all well.  Stay strong and sane through all your troubles.  Remember to use your logic and brains to evaluate any emotion.  That way you will always know when someone is trying to bullsh*t you.

Mrs Lonely

NO, it doesn't make sense. He's saying it so matter-of-factly because he believes his own bullshit at this point. Being ignored by a female doesn't make men turn to other men. And no, most women out there aren't prostitutes.

If you know you want out, then it doesn't matter how he feels about it or who he blames it on. You want out. You're getting out. Don't get hung up on the details - stay focused on the end goal.  He can think it's the fault of wild rabid monkeys at this point. You.Don't.CARE. He's all f'd up, so you can't go making a f'd up person's onion matter any more.

You're not crazy.  It's not you.  Run and never look back.

Kel

Oh, the nerve of these men drives me crazy.

Stonehouse, mine also tried to blame my strong personality & work stress as a reason for him turning to porn.  I told him I would understand porn & would even understand an affair, but its the gay porn that I do not buy.  You became detached because your heart and mind understood what your consciousness did not want to accept and was already starting to protect themselves.  

They are calm and can look you straight in the eye and still lie.  He's got years of practice in this.
A sexologist told me that a woman can be any shape and size, they are attractive to men - especially if there is a love connection.  No amount of stress can keep them from their woman.  

Keep strong

"..Would the coldest woman in the world potentially make a man turn to gay postings and images to feel desired and connected? .."


No..just no. My ex was the coldest meanest person as soon as she decided to cheat..   but it did not make me look for ads of guys.
If you put a gun to my head I would not like guys.

There is nothing you can do to turn someone  gay.  We get that excuse all the time here...it shows how stupid they think we are..it shows their core low opinion of us. 

Yes it's gaslighting and if you watch the movie you will be scared to realize how demonic it is. It is a form of abuse. 

Sadly one can and must get away from these people.

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Last edited by Duped (November 11, 2019 2:57 pm)