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- Shari
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Re: A love story turned nightmare
Kel,
Thank you for being you! I need a Kel in my life...sitting on my shoulder really. The only problem in taking the approach of "FYou, I deserve more than this" is the consequences. I wish I had the esteem to care more about me than about him. I'm working on it. I just want all of this to be a big punk/prank. I don't want to be a part of this club. I'm so tired.
Kel, I'm so happy for you... that you've found true happiness. How does it feel to go from married to your GX to being adored, cherished and desired by a straight man? I love my GiDH so much and I can't fathom wanting to be with anyone else but I do have to admit that feeling wanted sounds amazing.
DH, it seems like your wife is finding any way she has to to start arguing with you. I would bet that allows her to go complain about you to her gf. It makes me so mad when I see really good spouses being treated this way. Even if she weren't gay, she shouldn't be treating you this way.
DH, I have a question to add to Kel's question. It is something I did and am wondering if you've asked her something like this: We haven't been living together, we have been living separate lives. You are obviously having your needs met by whomever so maybe it would be helpful if I found someone to satisfy my needs.
I did ask this of my GiDH. I even said, since you say you cant love me the way I want you to love me, and you don't really want to deal with my feelings about everything, or talk openly... so maybe it would be helpful for you if I found someone who could take those burdens from you. He shot that down real fast which really surprised me. TBH, I don't think I could be with anyone else anyway but I thought it was only fair that I ask if it would be helpful since he has chosen to be in a relationship for his 'needs.'. Ugh
Last edited by Shari (May 6, 2017 10:06 am)
- Rob
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Re: A love story turned nightmare
Kel was very helpful on the other list when I first came here.
She was empathetic when I felt pathetic pointing out the good in me(I need to re-post that sometime).
She also told me to get off my ass when I was stuck not knowing what to do. This was so important as all I knew was how to be selfless for my then wife. If not for Kel I would not have had a lawyer already to respond to my GIDXs threats and anger.
I urge everyone n the mist of this to listen to Kel. Get back to concrete reality...the real world...not the reality our closeted spouses had/have us living in. Self care and self compassion is not something our spouses are supposed to take away from us. As Kel said.. we are not supposed to" set ourselves on fire to keep them warm." Someone that really loves us would not ask or expect us to.
Last edited by Rob (May 6, 2017 8:18 am)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Demons-halo
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Re: A love story turned nightmare
Ok I am seriously thinking of changing this thread to the Kel appreciation / fan club thread.
But seriously Kel thank you. You have touched a lot of lives and helped so many people. Thank you for just being you. I haven't forgot that I still have some questions to answer. I have just been busy with work and this week I got to spend extra time with my kids and I have been working on getting out of this shell I have found myself in (breaking the ice)
lately. Opening up and talking, learning to trust again.
- •
Thread Starter- Shari
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Re: A love story turned nightmare
I just realized that it may be confusing.
DH=dear husband
It also was an abbreviation I used for demonshalo.
I will use something else...going to edit it now.
- Kel
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Re: A love story turned nightmare
You guys are all very sweet. Now cut it out!
Demons, we're gonna have to come up with something else to call you. Because yes - Shari's right - I saw "DH" and could only think of it meaning Dear Husband. And despite how clever your handle is, no one wants to address anyone else as a demon. Lol!
If you want to change your name, I want you to think of something positive to change it to - something that creates empowerment. I used to use "NewMe" for a ton of stuff when I was going through my divorce. I didn't know who I was yet, but I was becoming something new. Phoenix has caught onto this way of thinking, too - he's representing who he wants to be - not identifying himself as someone/something he wishes he weren't.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Demons-halo
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Re: A love story turned nightmare
Ok Kel here are your long awaited answers.
1- It's a house with a in law apartment in the basement.
2- When we moved in to the basement it was just the wife,me and our first born son. Her grandfather lived upstairs. No mother's died. I don't know we're that came from. We weren't married yet.
3- She worked until she became pregnant with our first son. It was a difficult pregnancy she ended up losing her job. She stayed home and took care of our kids and ended up taking care of her grandfather to when he got sick.He just passed last year. Now she is going to school to get her GED.
4- Yes her brother and father know. At the time the living arrangement was decided was the same time her grandfather passed. There was a lot of high emotions at the time. Mom and dad are having problems. She doesn't want to tell them yet. (Kids)
5- Everyone hangs out downstairs it's their home. The wife spends time down her but most of her time is spent upstairs. Everybody eats,plays downstairs. Again it's their home it is were they are comfortable. Living upstairs means it's where my wife and daughter's bedrooms are. Even though last night my daughter came to me again to stay downstairs she hates it up there. Told her she had to but she could ask her mom. She did and the wife said fine but she did not like it one bit.
Hopefully that helps.
I will think about the name change. Demons-halo is my username for everything. Everything bad has some piece of good to.
- •
Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: A love story turned nightmare
Demons-Halo,
Ah yes.. let me start a new thread about our names.
In short , if that is your username that you like and own ..use it. When I came here (other board) I had
switched to something like Forsaken and Kel was quick to point out that though I felt forsaken that was not who i was.,.. starting a tangentt thread on that..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7