Usually you pay retaining fee to hire the lawyer. ..2500 to 5000.
Then they start using that up as the divorce drags on..it can be 2 to three times that if you have an evil spouse like I did.
If your spouse is agreeable it need not cost that much..some people can file the papers themselves if that is the case. 

But the lawyers know...you have one chance to get it right if your spouse us trying to take everything away from you including the kids..  then, as was my case, it was worth every penny.

Last edited by Rob (May 7, 2017 2:50 pm)

Stonehouse

This is a hard question because everyone's situation and legal needs and relationship with their soon-to-be-ex is different.  So you might get very different advice and all of it is good and correct.. just for different people. 

My story:  I sat my ex down at the kitchen table and told her "this can go one of two ways.  We can sit down here in a few sessions and talk through everything and come to agreements amicably or we can each hire attorneys, spend $10-15k each, drag the divorce out for a long time, hate each other and make things worse for the kids, and still have to make the same decisions between us in the end.  Which way do you want to do this?"

I made two lists.   1.) Things we agree on.   2.)  Things we still need to talk through.    Note that my second list wasn't "Disagree"..  I kept things worded positively.   In our first discussion we agreed on all but 3 things.  Over the next couple days we worked out 2 of the other 3. 

We chose to go to mediation even though we technically didn't need it.  We could have agreed on everything together and written it up and been fine.  But, we both agreed that it would be good to have a neutral 3rd party who was experienced in divorce law to help us think of things we had not yet considered.  We wanted to make sure we weren't missing any big topics that might turn into fights later.   

We had a 3 hour mediation session.. come to full agreement, had them type it up and we both signed.   I took it to the judge the next day to submit. 

Having the mediation agreement in place allowed me to take nearly 3 months off the mandatory (not so mandatory) waiting period and we pushed the divorce through quickly. 


All considered, we spent $250 on the state fees and $500 on mediation.   


But, I was fortunate.  I moved very quickly to get things done early in the process while we were still amicable.  If I had waited a couple more months it would not have worked out the same.   I submitted the agreement to the judge early which meant it was basically done.. no changes to be considered later.  At least this is what she thought.   Technically nothing is done until the gavel falls and the judge signs the decree..  Still i walked on pretty thin ice for a while.. I was very careful and calculated in what buttons I pushed while waiting for the case to be finalized because I didn't want to have her go off the handle and hire an attorney and make things a mess.   I was also very generous financially with her.  I could have made a very strong legal case to go after some inheritance money she had and to go after some pension funds.. but I chose not to do that because I wanted to keep the peace and be reasonable.   Finally I had some leverage on her because she didn't want the cause of our divorce to be public. I used that to my advantage in one conversation early on and then never had to bring it up again. 



So what should you do???

I would start at the kitchen table.  Make two lists and figure out what you agree on vs. "not yet".  Don't argue over the "not yet".. just write it down and come back to it later.   Start with kids and custody if you have them.  Then go to finances (assets and debts), alimony/spousal support, then personal possessions.

When you are done with your initial lists.. take a look at how long the agree list is vs. the disagree list.  If you only have a few items you don't yet agree on.. then you are perfect for mediation.  The mediator will help you discuss the items that are still in question and help you make an agreement. 

If mediation doesn't work and you feel like you are being taken advantage of.. then you need to get an attorney. 
If you don't feel like you can handle the stress of the situation.. get an attorney. 
If you don't have any confidence in the laws of your state and you don't even know where to start.. get an attorney. 
If you don't think you trust your partner to be amicable long enough to get a mediation agreement in place.. get an attorney. 


Otherwise, I think it's wise to sit together first and go through as much as you can.  This will save a lot of money.  Use the mediator to help hash out the items you don't agree on initially.  If that still doesn't work, then hire attorneys..  
 

lol.. saint is a relative term.   She lied to me about her sexuality, stole 16 years of my life, rejected me constantly and destroyed my self-esteem, fell in love with another woman (married no less), lied to me about it over and over when I felt like something was wrong, then cheated on me and left me for her.  So yeah.. she's a real saint!

But it could have been worse.  I think you win the prize on that one. 

My ex was not outright abusive to me.  She didn't scream at me directly and she didn't call me names.  I never gave her anything to scream about.  (I'm not implying that you did).   

She also didn't try to go after me with greed for money or possessions.  She was very fair (for the most part).  I think despite her incredibly selfish decisions she genuinely cared for me and wanted me to be happy in the future so she didn't try to ruin me financially.  

Because she was reasonable i was able to handle my own divorce without attorneys in a quick and amicable fashion.  The business end of it at least.   There are emotional scars that run deep and will forever.. but from a business standpoint the divorce was successful. 

 

I used my company's legal plan to divorce.  Dh and I had a pretty easy split.  We held no property, we had very little debt except for his new student loans, which he assumed.  Our biggest issue was custodial stuff - working out holidays and the like.  It wasn't difficult.  In the end, I essentially wrote the whole thing myself and the lawyer relayed it over to the other lawyer and we had a few back-and-forths to come to agreement on.  When we walked into court, we had already signed the paperwork saying that we agreed to everything.  The judge essentially just stamped the paperwork and we were done.

My legal plan costs me $10 a month.  All I paid for the actual divorce was the $650 or so in filing fees, etc.  Actual court costs.  I paid it all because ex said he didn't have the money.  Neither did I, but I wasn't letting a few bucks stop me from dumping his ass!  Lol!

Kel