Can always count on you Kel.
Thanks.
Ok so here is the break down on living arrangements to clarify.
There are 7 people living here.
Her father owns the house since
her grandfather passed last year.
Me,wife our 3 kids her father and her brother.
Wife,daughter and her father upstairs
Me,her brother and my 2 sons downstairs.
The only people working are me and her father.
My ex friend was the one who suggested my daughter going upstairs and her brother moving downstairs.
I believe it should be me and the kids
downstairs and her family and her
upstairs why break up the kids. But
of course I'm wrong.
We have butted heads many times over it. Nothing against her brother we get along but he's a slacker. We have had fights were I said if I am going to be cleaning up after people they might as well be MY own kids. Everybody for the most part hangs out downstairs because it's the only home they know plus i have already gone over how my daughter would rather be down here. Kel it seems we have a similar situation. My wife says this is one house two floors this is what she feeds to the kids and me and yes I think your right she doesn't really feel that way. A lot of the stuff she says to them I have to stop myself from laughing and saying are you f***ing kidding me. Plus she will also say or offer to do stuff around the house to supposedly help me but magically forget or something else will come up. This just happened while I was writing this. My daughter came down to say goodnight and she said I think mom is mad at me. I asked why and she says because I came down here to say goodnight to you I think. I couldn't help but say are you kidding me and the wife over heard me and started about how I have to watch what I say. That this isn't a popularity contest. I said well why is she saying that?  She said I don't know. She was asleep and our son went up and woke her up and that i have been saying snide things about her. Bullshit you never want to be around when I am. I finished by saying in my mind she shouldn't even be saying that and I walked away. Grrrrrrrrrr this shit really pisses me off.

Last edited by Demons-halo (May 3, 2017 8:40 pm)

DH,
I feel for ya! It sounds like you're being taken advantage of by all of the adults in your home.  I agree with Kel about confronting the bullshit.  It is, of course, easier said than done.  I have started to call out some things but the shit just gets deeper and deeper.  I have seen this thing called 'gaslighting' that people on here talk about when I approach the BS.  However, he has surprised me on a couple of occasions and came back with some straight up truths..... but, they were said to be hurtful because he responded to my anger instead of the issue at hand.  I have learned this week that neither my husband nor myself know how to deal with my anger. I guess because I've always kept it to myself.
Anyway, I think everyone reading about your living situation can see that you are NOT wrong about how the brother should be with her....and ultimately your sweet daughter should be with her brothers.  Sorry to hear about your son needing to go back to therapy.  At the same time, he will be healthier than not because of it so its probably good that he's showing emotions.... I know how hard it is to see your kids go through a breakdown... worst feeling ever!
Hang in there. Sounds like you're doing your best and your kids are so blessed to have you as their dad.
Hugs,
Shari

So apparently she thought better of picking a fight. Instead she is ranting and picking apart everything under the sun. As long as the focus isn't me I'm good. Lol. If she did start one it might have been the push I needed to finally let go of everything I am feeling. She did go off about the kids being over dramatic. That it has to stop because it's pissing her off. And again I listened and said Hey pot have you met the kettle in my head.

That's pretty much what she is doing. Comments and rants about everything. But it's not all bad sometimes she says stuff and I can't help but LMAO.

I'd have SUCH a small toleration for the freaking ranting.  I can tolerate a LOT - for a LONG time - IF I feel like it's going toward some objective.  I tolerated being ignored for over a decade because I felt like me shutting up and putting up was what it took to keep my marriage functioning.  But after I threw the towel in on that?  It was like pulling the ripcord on an inflatable raft.  You want to complain? Go find someone who's in a relationship with you - because I have no patience for you any more.  I'm DONE with you.  I had no reason to compromise any longer, either.  I always did - it wasn't that big of a deal.  It was like money in the bank of our relationship.  Necessary.  Once I had no account to deposit into anymore?  I've ALWAYS had a problem with my mouth.  It betrays me.  I literally hear myself saying stuff and then am like, "Oh SHIT!" afterwards.  So when he'd be like, "I think we should sell the car", I'd be like, "No, we don't have a better alternative.  I'm not re-investing in anything with you.  We'll just need to ride it out."  There - I was decent, right?  But he'd continue, "Well, what about me?  What about what I want?"  Now, I had been wanting him to f'ing LEAVE for TWO.YEARS already.  So my response started to be like, "Are you KIDDING me???  You committed fraud to be in a relationship with me, and you want me to consider YOUR f'ing feelings?!?  Are you CRAZY?!?  If you don't like the decisions here,... f'ing LEAVE.  How about THAT?!?"  Annnnnd..... end scene.  More than once I know I'd responded with "You know what?  FUCK YOU.  There's my compromise."  Snort.  I had NEVER said anything like that while we were married.

I also started to just tell him how it was gonna be.  I knew he was scared of me - the only reason it worked all along was because I was overly kind.  But once that bandaid came off, well, I'd hate to be you, buddy.  I'd be like, "You won't leave, then fine - go sleep on the couch.  You're not welcome in the bed any longer."  I finally started to feel like I was taking ownership of my own life, and I wasn't letting him fuck it up any more.  You don't want to sleep on the couch, then go sleep in a different couch.  Those are your choices, asshat.

Kel