My ex and I coparent 50/50. I don't like it either but they need to have their relationship with their mother and I'm not going to force them away from her. It works well, I just make sure to shut down any conversation she tries to initiate beyond the nuts and bolts of co parenting.

This is a hard situation DH.   It's actually the most stressful thing in my life right now.

It's hard advice to take, but I think you have to try to step back and think about this from the kids perspective first.  Do you think it's best for them to have their mother removed from their life?  Unless she is endangering them, I think it would make their lives worse.  So i think you need to be open to some kind of sharing agreement. 

I'm struggling with this as well.  My ex left me for a married woman with a child and a history of drug abuse and suicidal tendencies.. oh and someone with no morals as proven by her adulterous affair.  This is the last human being on earth that I want around my children.  I made her agree to 8 months before she had the other woman move in.. but we're at 5 months now and she is apparently violating the agreement.  So i'll most likely be speaking with the court soon.   It's just a bad situation..  but I'm doing what I can to protect my kids to the best of my ability.  We are currently 50/50.. but I might push to get a higher %.  Still, I wouldn't try to go 100% because the kids need to have a relationship with their mother. 

I would encourage you to keep a parenting journal.  Make an entry every evening.  Mention what interactions you had and if something concerning happened, make notes about it.  This can be extremely valuable if you need to have some difficult conversations with the courts over custody. 

 

Demons-halo,

Please let me share my experience with you.
I would take 100% custody of my kids if I could!!!

I needed to get away from my GXH because of 
his deceit (having an affair with his boyfriend for 7 years before I discovered TGT),
and his lack of empathy,
his mind-games,
directing every conversation back to himself,
his victim mentality,
his sense of injury (then anger) if I questioned him,
his tricks of give/take back,
the hatred in his eyes,
the deadness in his heart...
I could go on and on. 

I got away slowly.
I AM NOW FREE, FINALLY!
But my kids are still mostly powerless against GXH's wishes.
No matter what the court documents say, my GXH does whatever he wants when he has the kids.
Never have I felt so powerless!
I could fight it in court, but I understand that I would lose everything financially.
My GEH would never let me "win".

So now I do NOT agree with the idea that kids need
both a mom and a dad, NO MATTER THE PARENT'S BEHAVIOR.
I mean, do you think a kid needs a dad if he's a pedofile?
Does a kid need his dad if he's an abusive alcoholic?
There has to be a limit
to what kind of person I have to give my kids to.

My GXH is confusing and causes emotional pain to those around him.
I used to think he was a good dad, but as my kids have gotten older, they tell me of the stuff he's done to them.
It is the same flavor of things he did to me. And I CAN'T BE there with them to protect them.

I do think my kids see through him more as they get older,
but my youngest (13) is still being victimized by his dad's manipulations.
My youngest son told me he'd like to stay with me all the time,
but that STAYING WITH ME would make his dad SO SAD. 
I tell him again how dad is responsible for dad's feelings,
I am responsible for my feelings, and he (my son)
is only responsible for his own feelings, not dad's.
But GXH's manipulation is more powerful than my teachings.

The only thing good about my son having to spend time with his dad is...
NOTHING!
Who needs to spend time with a monster, and internalize it ???

If I had 100% custody of my kids,
I would let them spend time with their dad as much as THEY want, not as much as HE wants.
But, I would have the ability to keep them (protect them) if they did NOT want to go with dad that week.

My oldest kid is away at college.
The middle kid has simply refused to go to her dad's for the last year and a half (she has STRENGTH!).
And the youngest struggles on, living one week with Dad, and then one week with me.

Now that my GXH doesn't control me, 
he wants to get his emotional supply from the kids.

That has been my experience.
HopeSprings

Demons-halo,
Does she, or has she ever shown empathy for others?
Does she have the ability to look at something from another person's perspective, and know how they might be feeling?
HopeSprings